Things didn't really go as well as I'd hoped yesterday. I would still say that it was pivotal...I am not declaring anything dead, nor are we looking at reconciliation in the near future or maybe not even at all. So, how is this pivotal you say?
Well, upon meeting with the man at the church, my eyes were opened to the exact situation...something that I don't think I ever had before. Sure, part of the reason (the biggest part) she left was because of what happened. But there were many more...the largest other reason was this. She felt things building up in me towards the relationship falling apart for a while now. See, my wife is a degreed psych...she feels that I have some fairly substantial issues in that department. A lot of garbage from my past that had made me the person that I am not, the person capable of doing the things that I have done. She has tried for a while to get me to see someone, to which I always shrugged off. She felt that the only way to save me was to leave...the guy at church, who is a therapist, tends to agree from talking with me that there are issues there...
So the plan is this, I am going to start working with this guy, on me...I guess we're talking about some deep stuff, which he says could take a few months before I am through it. My wife tells me at the end of all of that she can promise me forgiveness for what has happened...she has said she can't promise reconciliation, because she doesn't know. This makes since because she is still really hurt. Good news is she is starting to meet with someone down there one on one, a good Christian too, to address some issues that she has. So, essentially, we are both damaged goods now, going to get help, and we'll see what happens on the other end.
So, I feel pretty good about all of this...I know what I need to do, and I fully understand what's going on now, instead of DBing in the dark over here...we have a good enough relationship still that we were able to put it all on the table, and now I know where she stands and I know EXACTLY what it is I have to do.
Who knows what will happen at the end, on getting together or not...obviously I would like to, but we shall see. In the meantime, we are friends, we can talk about anything, as long as it doesn't pertain to me pressuring her on reconciliation, and last night at dinner, we proved that we can even hang out together and have a good time with each other.
There are legitimate reasons that having a legal sep would be good for her, so I agreed if that's what she wants, then I will let her have that (insurance concerns and things like that).
She was always a little nervous about me persuing boxing, seen too many punch drunk people, which I have always wanted to do...now that I have a little freedom in that department, I am going to persue that a little too, to fill some time, have a hobby, and I also think that'd get me in better shape, and lookin' better. I figure that coming out on the other end with a more defined body would only help the situation anyway.
