No, complete candor is not always best, and prudence dictates otherwise. But If we can't be intellectually honest with each other, then we can never achieve the intimacy required for a healthy M anyway. And if the truth hurts, as it always tends to, enough that W wants the M ended, then I rather be alone in faith of the Truth, than miserable in a M of lies and deceit.
I can't help it. That's just how the cut of my jib is.
Well, I do think truth is good, but I kind of do believe there are different truths. I mean your W's perceptions of your marriage will be different than your perception or your children's perceptions. Everyone's experiences and life kind of makes them have different views of the same events I think.
I just think what is the point of going into that with your W? It never is resolved in a satisfying way. Whether you are married or not, it seems best to try to have a workable, as cooperative R as possible with your W. And that kind of arguing you both do isn't furthering that goal I don't think. I think instead of her catching you off-guard like she likes to do, maybe tell her something like you're thinking about it and will get back to her in a day or 2 or week or whatever. Then email her back so you can choose your words more thoughtfully.
Anytime she starts being negative about you and getting into R talk or what's wrong with you type of stuff, tell her you don't want to get into that with her and say you have to leave or hang up or whatever. Those kind of arguments don't help your marriage or your R with her even if you don't continue the marriage I think. Karen
