I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and Peace and Joy in the new year. We can all make a difference, starting today.
BM - I will fight, I won't give up, nor even give up hope. But still I am realistic about my chances. In this day and age, in my state, we have laws that say the father has equal custody rights. Legally there is no favoritism toward mothers. But 90% of custody cases in this state are ruled in favor of the mother. How is that possible? Even accounting for the cultural bias of fathers to be "breadwinners" while mothers are primary caregivers, surely more than 10% of fathers want equal custody of their children after the divorce. Is it 20%? 30%? I don't know. But surely higher than 10%.
This is only possible if there is a strong bias in the courts.
This is what I mean when I say I am realistic. It doesn't mean I will give up. It means I have low expectations. It is a little like being black in the American south in 1955. The law said that people were "equal" but it wasn't really true.
-----
But forget all that. It is Christmas Eve, one of the best days of the year. Today I am baking a ham, and making a pie, and baking some bread. The kids will be over later. The wife decreed that it is "just another Wednesday" and so did not deign to give me more than a few hours with them. (yes, the judge will hear about this).
Regardless, we are going to have a Christmas celebration. Santa came early to my place, so we will open presents this afternoon. We will have Christmas carols and we will have all the overdose of excitement that comes from the presents.
I am very excited to see them and see their faces.
I called and spoke to friends and family today and it was nice to hear their voices. Things are different this year but I will be making the best of it! !!! ! ! !
In my state there are all kinds of versions of shared custody. Right now I have "primary physical custody" and she visits H 6 nights out of 14 because that is what we worked out. You don't have to abide by "state guidelines" which is usually one night a week and every other weekend, and every other holiday, unless that's what the 2 of you work out--or unless you can't work out anything else. Which may be the case for you, I hope not. But it doesn't have to be an "either-or" proposition. I don't know about the statistics, can't explain that--but you aren't the ordinary dad and the court will see that.
Enjoy your day! And believe me, Sir, your children will remember this always. They will remember the love that is going into your sharing this time with them.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hey S, Merry Christmas. Take this one step at a time. Have no expectations but pray for the best. You and yours are in my prayers.
I hope you had a ball with your kids. I still enjoy being with my son and pretending Santa came. He is such a good sport and plays along.
I reserved dinner reservations for my 8 year old niece and I to have dinner at the American Girl doll store next week as one of her presents. Just the two of us. She hugged me and said that was the best present she ever got. So we will make a whole day of it and bring her dolls and get dressed up -I cant wait!
Christmas was very nice. I had Christmas Eve with the kids, we had a very nice time. I had gotten a haircut for the holiday, and my 10-yr old daughter just kept petting my head! They all made me cards - for Christmas my daughter gave me 10 hugs, 5 kisses, 2 smiles, and a wink. My other daughter wrote me a poem. It was all very sweet. I asked them about this - they said their mother asked them to make cards for me. That's a nice gesture.
I spoiled them all with presents of course. All too soon I had to take them back to their mother. Everybody seemed pleased.
Christmas morning I woke early, by myself. You know, being alone in the house used to be really hard, in the beginning, but I am getting better at it. It's lonely, sometimes, but it's ok. One day I will have a companion again. Not sure who it will be! Maybe a dog! (I hear they are very loyal) But for now I am alone and that's ok.
The snow was falling again in the darkness - it was so beautiful. Like a gift, really. It was so quiet - the quiet you can only get with a heavy snowfall. When it rains, the world makes a certain sound. And when it is clear, the sounds from far away (wind, cars, whatever) carry a long way. But when there is a heavy snow coming down, all the sounds are muffled. It's like the whole world is a giant soundproof room. The powder snow was so gorgeous. A blanket on everything. I think we got 6 more inches.
Early in the morning, my 12-yr old called me, it was great to hear from him. They had just finished opening presents. He just wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas. He is growing up too fast, but he'll be ok. He's a good kid.
Mid-morning I went to visit the family of a friend. I am of mixed-emotions about that. They are a very nice family, and very kind to me. Very close. But it is still hard to be with them, when I would give anything to be with my own kids. Ah. Nothing to be done about that.
So I made the best of it! And I'll tell you, it was a really nice day. I spent lots of time playing with their kids - they have 2 young ones - a girl of 5 and a boy just 2 years old. The boy is my buddy. I got him a set of blocks for Christmas, and we spent a long time building towers. Well, I was the one building towers, and he had a blast knocking them down.
It seemed every time I sat down he would come over and crawl into my lap. Around lunch time he got down from his high chair, walked over to me, and climbed up onto me, just to snooze. He is the sweetest boy.
The mother's parents we in. So we all had a family Christmas day - exchanging gifts, playing games, eating cookies, shoveling snow, sharing some Christmas cheer with the neighbors. For dinner, a big roast turkey. We laughed a lot. The parents seem to really like me. It was all very warm. It is exactly the way Christmas used to be, in my house. I am very lucky to have such friends.
I have the kids this weekend. We're going to play with all our new toys! And maybe make a giant snowman. We have 20 inches of snow on the ground here.
Ahh S, it sounds heavenly where you are. I wish you could have had more time with your children, but every moment with you is a memory for them.
And while I am sure it was bittersweet for you, you are indeed fortunate to have such good friends. And you know they say, children and animals have a sense about people and obviously you are someone that little boy felt safe with, and comfortable with. Says a lot about you, my friend. Merry Christmas.
