Kalni, I missed you too No, I would never reconsider with her. I feel like I need to guard my heart too much from her. So it isn't that she's rocking my boat - well, I guess she is in that I still react to what she does or doesn't do - but that I'm rocking my own boat. I've become numb and am ready to move out of this space.
But I know her better than anyone and when I see her with someone else I wonder why I'm not that far along, if there's something wrong with me. I react to her card and then second-guess that reaction - maybe she was just being nice. Maybe the tears were just her being sad for what was lost and nothing more, while I interpret it as vindication that we should have worked on M. It's that old struggle with searching for the meaning behind our M and wondering if there was something there to appreciate even though it's past, or if it was hollow from the start. Honestly, at this point it seems like a long long time ago and I have a hard time reconciling the person I married with the woman I see today.
But in a sense that's just me holding onto the past and trying to drag it along. Still trying to figure out how to let it go completely. I'm basically frustrated with myself. Am ready to be happy again but am still in the lull before the momentum picks up. I've been adopting a very positive attitude and doing lots of GALing, but it all still feels a bit empty and mornings can sometimes be murder for PMA.
Okay, I'm rambling. The sun is up, weather is warm - time to get out and hit the hills.
Mike, good hearing from you. Can't believe you didn't hit me up for beers - what was it, landshark lager? Donna, I haven't read through your sitch but will take a look - and yes, that song is great! Patty Griffin is great. Listen to it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKT5kytIpxU
peacetoday - i agree with you about our WAS being conflicted and knowing they created a mess. It saddens me that resolving that conflict was never an option.
No, I would never reconsider with her. I feel like I need to guard my heart too much from her. So it isn't that she's rocking my boat - well, I guess she is in that I still react to what she does or doesn't do - but that I'm rocking my own boat. I've become numb and am ready to move out of this space. 