Aud and Matilda, My W was home with the puppy a few days ago. He chewed thru the cord of a small appliance. My W was furious. She has a low tolerance for the puppy, and does not want to spend time supervising him.
It looks like I'm going to need to increase the amount of days he spends in daycare, so that he is not home with my W on her days off, and so that he is not spending a long day in a cage when my W works, and I work late.
My W gets upset with me when I initially fret about the cost of daycare. I can see that my W wants to be free to do projects around the house, and not feel guilty about him being home in a cage. I can lower the cost of daycare by purchasing the days in larger blocks.
Last night my W and I went to a jazz club. She left out two $20 bills on the table, apparently for the waitress to take as-needed. I noticed the money, but did not say anything. By the end of the evening, one of the twenties was missing.
My W was furious on the way home. This carried over into a R talk about all the ways I lie to her, disappoint her, and have stolen from her. I decided it was best to sit in the storm. She calls me a failure, a liar, and a thief.
There is nothing constructive during the discussion. It's a rant of her subjective opinions. The theme seems to be, that she wants me to take care of her, and anything falling short is taken personally.
If she wants a stereo system (which she bought with her personal savings recently for $1500), I'm to go out and buy one for her. If she wants to move to a different neighborhood, I am to figure-out how to make that happen. If she wants vacations, I am to work to the extent needed to afford it. Having to dip into her own savings, is considered stealing.
After two hours, she told me to sleep in the guest room with the dog. I went, so that things would wind down, as she repeats herself. She asked why was I sleeping the guest room, and that I needed to sleep with her. I told her I would sleep with her, if she agreed to stop talking.
I told her that if she's that unhappy, and decides to pursue a D, she needs to tell me when she does so. That was the only time D was brought-up. Listening to her, one would think, this M is headed straight for D.
I'll stay the course for now, unless she tells me she no longer wants to be married to me, by increasing the amount of doggie daycare, cooking weekly, going dancing with her, cooking for the PT job for extra money, scheduling housecleaning as often as my W needs, and looking into the world travel group.
I'm not sure I agree with her expectation, that I'm to do whatever it takes to make sure there is cash flow for all her needs, including vacations.
I would lose balance in my life, if I tried to meet her financial expectations. I would be living primarily to support her. I believe that I work more than enough with my FT job making a respectable salary (mid-40's), and the PT cooking job.
I am at a point of resignation. If she were to pursue a D, I would probably be relieved no longer having to be married to someone who seems to have such a poor subjective opinion of me. If she stays, it buys me time to put actions in place that may have an influence on mending the R.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
