TOH, you have to treat the No Contact as a sort of medicine that takes time to work. It becomes easier when you realize there are benefits. Husbands in affairs end them sooner when they are not opposed and the drama is removed. When they are not challenged the excitement fades and the adventure stops.
You should hope your runaway H actually moves in with his darling. That will fast forward his eventual 'awakening'. I think your H is still very attached to you and your girls and the farm. You are right to understand that it is a package. Be more patient and do not play that fight game with him. He enjoys that.
Consider also that his drinking is very problematic. Consider Al-Anon. That is a good group that will help you distance yourself and also get understanding about the dynamic. Affairs/drinking go together. Your reactions to both can make things much worse. Even if you do not attend a meeting, look for the literature. It is written just for us, it seems.
It's not over just because you've not heard from him or seen him.
But I am afraid that it is Snodderly, my H is/was too much of a let it be kind of guy. Like he keeps saying currently "we all make choices, then have to live with them"
Snodderly I can put all the faith in the world in God, in myself, and my M but none of that will change what my H does.
Thank you Snodderly for taking your time to be here for me and helping me get through this rough time. Things really have changed for me. This time I am not going to contact my H. This time I am finally listening. It's just that it hurts, as you know, my emotions are very high right now (time of month), and this route is the way I swore wouldn't work and now I'm on it.
My painting is sitting there in my space I've made. I plan on sitting down with it this weekend. Haven't done much this week. Hard to paint when I am in such turmoil. Special interests projects?
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
naej, emotions right now are taking over my resolve, but trust me it is still there. I am not going to contact him naej, he is free...
your right it has been a slow and painful death, the death of a man that was so good, a couple that could withstand it all, a M that would last a lifetime, a woman that knew what she wanted out of life and her cup over flowed,
now naej, I work towards finding me again. And letting all my dreams and hopes for "our" future go. Now I find a new purpose.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Toh, I know you can do this and believe me I know how hard it is. I was the worst person ever at getting this no contact and I believe I made it so much worse so please learn from my mistakes.
"the death of a man that was so good, a couple that could withstand it all, a M that would last a lifetime, a woman that knew what she wanted out of life and her cup over flowed," I could so easily have written that! Stay focused you can do this its just a wobble. Try to find some inner peace this week end and look for the smallest blessings to be grateful for-it helps.
Flicka I don't know if I believe this with my H and his affair. I am afraid that it will become easier, but not for me, for him and her. If he doesn't have to fight for their R it may just make it work. He'll be able to relax and let it be. Because he chose her and he doesn't make mistakes, if he does he lives with them.
the fight is over naej, He got a KO and I am done. I have no more strength to fight for him, there is no point anymore. I really don't think he enjoys the fight.
I grew up in AA, Al-Anon, and Teen Al-Anon. My father was an alcoholic and my M drank alot after their D. Your right it does help.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
TOH, Pick up the paint brush and start painting. You'll be surprised at how doing something such as this will help you along the way. I paint, cross stitch and the one thing I really did when I first began this journey was to do jigsaw puzzles. I did quite a few of them and they really helped me to focus on something else.
Map out some special projects...are there certain pieces that you want to paint first? Do you have some ideas for new pieces. You are the artist...visualize how you want your work to look. You are also the artist of your own life....begin painting that new life. T, you can do this...I know you can.
T, you've not lost your h....he's just misplaced for the time being. When you change, your he will change the way he communicates w/you. Change always happens when it is positive.
T, take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I did a jig saw through christmas and your right it did really help. It gave me a peaceful distraction
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
I am not so sure as posted somewhere above that when they move in with ow that it will die out quicker. My h has been living with his ow for 2 1/2 years now.
There is no set time in all of this.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
you are basing all your asumptions on your H based on who your H was....he is NO longer that person ...manyy become the mirror image of who they were. You cant rely on the that information. in fac you cant rely on him for anything
you have to do this. you Have to TOH. This is the ONLY way to get thru this...his MLC Im finally glad someone got thru to you
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Good Morning toh! looks like I am late to the party but I have to do H's chores this morning while he is on an overnight trip. Came back in for refueling my coffee, I made the first pot horribly thick. Ick.
I am in a huge struggle with myself again today, much like you are. I knew H was going out of town last night, but he never mentioned it the day he was leaving or said goodbye. I was so hoping he would at least call or txt when he left town. Nothing.
I so want to contact him. I have a dozen excuses why I could. So far I have gone back to minute by minute to control my phone fingers! I have even thought I would txt or call the guy H went out of town with and ask if H went with him because he didn't say goodbye or come home last night. Oh my thoughts are wild!! but, would it help? nah, it won't.
Probably not much help, but just offering that you're not alone in your NC frenzy.
I love puzzles too but I haven't done one in years. When I start one I can't leave it until it's complete. It's caused too many nights with no sleep!
Consider getting involved with 4H or FFA and be a leader in the craft/paint projects. Nothing like being involved in youth to make you feel young!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
