M, This will be the biggest test you'll ever had to deal w....sitting there listening and not saying anything. He's going to expect you to defend yourself and point fingers at his comments and behavior. You will need to listen, sift through the BS and listen some more. When he's done talking, say I'm sorry that you feel that way. If he asks for comments, then I would address his concerns in a very calm manner.
He's got to do this in order to move ahead. They all do a test of some kind when they are wallowing. He wants to really see if you can accept what he has to say and if there is going to be a safe way to come home and not always hear about his mistakes and that he's hurt people. Guilt is really playing a number on his head and yes, self punishment is creating the self imposed exile as well.
I know, you will put your trust in God and he will help you find the words to talk to your h when the time comes. It's going to be a difficult conversation and most likely will be the one that is all revealing and of him shedding the persona he's been living for a while. He's very fragile.
Anyone want to take bets that he will not be over today due to stomach problems? I have a feeling my words are going to hit him hard, the words I told him lastnight in the text.
Yes, it will be a hard one. When he was saying goodbye on the phone yesterday afternoon, I just hung up on him as it was too much for me. Not sure what possessed me to ask about his coming home but it did bring it out in the open.
Last edited by MidwesternGirl; 01/10/0902:30 PM.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Oh boy don't strange things happen when there is a full moon? I just found this out online:
"If skies are clear Saturday, go out at sunset and look for the giant moon rising in the east. It will be the biggest and brightest one of 2009, sure to wow even seasoned observers."
Okay..............
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MG, I hope your H does show and you are able to have this talk face to face. What H says is important but even more important is how you react to him. Please stay calm, acknowledge, validate his feelings and opinions. You do not have to say anymore than that until you have a chance to process whatever he may have to say to you. Let him know you will respond in a day or two.
I wish I had the opportunity you are getting. My H remains more stubborn than a long eared mule when it comes to any R talk. It is a one sided conversation, but I know he hears me and most often his actions change a little towards the positive after I talk (or rant like last week!).
Stay calm, stay focused.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
He never set a time to have this talk all he said was "sooner or later..."
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Yes MWG that is what my h says something like we will talk when "I am ready", this is not on "Your" time. That conversation may come way later for you.
Snodderly is right, just listen and validate when it does happen. If you could try not to point out all the wrongs he is doing in the future would be nice.
He knows he is doing wrong and doesn't want you to confirm that with him. Be supportive and understanding.
He has made many mistakes.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Wel my money would be on a stomach problem and the talk being later! lol that's just me.
I am not sure Snodderly said to validate,what if he said he was happier at OW's?
I agree about the not pointing out all the wrongs he has / is doing and to listen carefully with little input unless asked. This will be a huge step if/ when it happens so MWG will need to really digest what he is saying before she makes comments. As Snod also says she will need to sift through the rubbish first. Just agreeing with all he says in the hope he will pack up over there and return home is not going to work as MWG knows very well. This time changes need to happen.
He has told me for one year that he is miserable over there.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
And I said nothing.............one time he told me just days after he moved back out which was last April
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
