M, This will be the biggest test you'll ever had to deal w....sitting there listening and not saying anything. He's going to expect you to defend yourself and point fingers at his comments and behavior. You will need to listen, sift through the BS and listen some more. When he's done talking, say I'm sorry that you feel that way. If he asks for comments, then I would address his concerns in a very calm manner.
He's got to do this in order to move ahead. They all do a test of some kind when they are wallowing. He wants to really see if you can accept what he has to say and if there is going to be a safe way to come home and not always hear about his mistakes and that he's hurt people. Guilt is really playing a number on his head and yes, self punishment is creating the self imposed exile as well.
I know, you will put your trust in God and he will help you find the words to talk to your h when the time comes. It's going to be a difficult conversation and most likely will be the one that is all revealing and of him shedding the persona he's been living for a while. He's very fragile.
