TOH, you have to treat the No Contact as a sort of medicine that takes time to work. It becomes easier when you realize there are benefits. Husbands in affairs end them sooner when they are not opposed and the drama is removed. When they are not challenged the excitement fades and the adventure stops.
You should hope your runaway H actually moves in with his darling. That will fast forward his eventual 'awakening'. I think your H is still very attached to you and your girls and the farm. You are right to understand that it is a package. Be more patient and do not play that fight game with him. He enjoys that.
Consider also that his drinking is very problematic. Consider Al-Anon. That is a good group that will help you distance yourself and also get understanding about the dynamic. Affairs/drinking go together. Your reactions to both can make things much worse. Even if you do not attend a meeting, look for the literature. It is written just for us, it seems.
