TOH, It's not over just because you've not heard from him or seen him. It's part of the journey for them. They can disappear for hours, days and even weeks before they pop out again. Depression and replay work hand in hand and they are off into their own little world. Their minds become mushy and a mixed up jumble of emotions. They forget time and actually time stands still for them in their world. When the fog lifts just a little bit, he'll be back around to make contact. They all do it in their own little way. He may use an excuse to come by like a bill or helping with the farm, etc., or just checking on you and/or your children. But when he does make contact, be nice, friendly and happy to see him. Do not ask where he's been. Follow his lead.
NC was extremely difficult for me, because I was a lot like you, i.e., wanting to know where he was, what he was up to, etc., but I had to learn, just as you are now, that the best thing you can do is just leave them alone and accept them for who they are today, not the person that they were when they walked out the door a while ago. I had to learn how to judge his moods and follow his lead, which was never in my nature to follow any one's lead, but you will learn just as I did.
Your h does care about you, but it's stuffed way down because of his emotional stunting at an early age that has come to the top. You just have to have faith and patience when dealing w/them when they are like this. It's hard, but please put your faith in God, yourself and your marriage. Your h is just going through a growing up stage and requires lots of space, time and patience. I know you are still expecting him to be a certain way and it's not going to be that way for a very long time. The man he may grow up to be may be just the way you want him; he could have picked up some traits during his crisis mixed in with the normal h; or he could be an @sshole that you don't want to deal w/ever again. Turn the oven up on 350 and just let him bake for a while. You do not want him back until he is completely baked up.
How is your painting going? Any special interest projects in the works?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
