Quote: LL, my point was simply to say that we know it's a process. Our Ses have to work through this cr@p in their own time...and we have NO control over this timeline. The only thing, as DBers, we can do is "get a life," and in that, make ourselves attractive to our Ses again. This you know.
jethro,
I'm doing my best to "get a life" thing is somehow my life does depend somewhat on h as we do have young children...for example tonight I have a meeting with my ambulance co...my getting there on time depends on if h can get himself home on time for me to leave...should it be that way? I can't even get a part time job without getting a sitter cause h just can't or rather wont make the consession to be home at a certain time for me to do so..heck just to take a class two nights a week I had to have my mom or someone else come babysit so I could leave on time...and yet he doesn't even have to let me know what his plans or intentions are for any given day or night..he just says so and goes..the kids seem to be MY responsibility..it wasn't that way during seperation..then he was here garunteed each tues and thurs by 5pm and sunday by 10am and I was free to do as I pleased.
I know that I have no control over his timeline...just as he has no control over mine...it would be nice though to have some clue as to what's going on in his mind. for example I know that he's into another round of fertalizing...which will mean he will have to go to her house...will he tell me? nope...might she be there? might it be awkward for him...might he find out if she's still selling her home? ding her h? will he tell me anything..even if he goes and she's not there? NOPE! would I like for him to! YES!
Quote: However, in many situations, when our Ses are doing something sneaky behind our backs and we find out, we find out "prematurely"...before they've really had an opportunity to work through their junk. Heck, I firmly believe this is the deal with KAW, it happened with SB, I think (if I remember correctly) it happened with Sage, and I also think this is what happened with your H. For me, I found out after a year of my W's PA/EA, so the "novelty" had already run its course.
took him a long time to admit the truth...infact the truth wasn't told by him until he was almost comming home...when ow was first disclosed it was because he was seen taking her to an appointment (cancer treatment) he called and tried to pass it off as aquantance with customer, then friend, bla bla bla...I asked that he end the friendship and drop her as customer..he did not for a month or more...then supposedly did...then moved out...his relationship with her had been going on for over a year before I found out about it...continued for the several months thereafter and then he left for over six months and upon his return still spoke to her...she is still a customer...(ya and I'm supposed to believe it was just an ea?????)shouldn't he have worked through his junk by now??? how does all this make me feel? duped, like a dumb little girl, foolish, blind, gullable, naive, weak, and a whole slew of other not nice things.
Quote: Ahh...insecurity. It's the same with SB's H. He fears he's being trash-talked, which might hurt the recovery of the M. My W too was concerned about what people were telling me on the BB. I was honest and specific about some of the information that people were telling me, and she was relieved that you folks were telling me to stick with it.
isn't it funny that my h would be insecure???? I don't think of it as insecurity cause he'll even use books against me "oh where did you read that" as if I have no mind of my own...it really pisses me off...especially if what I say comes from me and has no connection to any book or person.
