It's been a coupla months since I posted. Needed time away from the boards + other stuff was going on. Now I'm in a slump and thought I'd seek advice even though I tried to move on away from here. Some of you know my sitch - others can probably guess.
D was final end of October. I pretty much cut off contact after that - if XW wasn't willing to do anything prior to D then I saw no reason to be friends afterwards. She had her OM and her work. There've been a few awkward moments but for the most part, no contact.
Right before Xmas I had a premonition she would show up. 5 minutes later she knocked - wanted to drop off a gift. I invited her in and she seemed surprised. I kept the chitchat shallow and eventually said I needed to return to my work. She frowned a bit, like she was about to tear up, then left. Afterwards, I read her card and she told me she wanted me to know that she thought of me and hoped we could be friends.
Went out with a friend a few days later and was told that XW had stopped by 2x to ask about giving that gift. Both times XW started crying. Friend asked XW what she wanted and the answer was "I don't know" so friend told XW that she'd made a choice and that was the road she now had to follow.
So that was all fine - confusing but fine. But then I snooped. Don't know why but I did. Found out that a few days after that, XW started pushing a R with a second co-worker (not the original A partner). Sent messages about how she thought of all the great times they'd had and would have together. Said how long she'd been thinking of being with him. Our D has only been final for 3 months.
I'm trying to move on. I've accepted my fate as a monk until I'm emotionally stable enough to handle another R, but I'm confused by XW's ability to move on. Is she just rebounding or is she the more stable one? I mean, why the tears when she talked with my friend about the gift? Why the present for me if she's in a new relationship?
The thing is, her new R was a friend of ours. I knew they'd spent time together over the past few years, but I never got the impression she thought he was R material. I mean, I know the answer already - rebound, ignoring own issues, making self feel better - but I still have a hard time getting it. That and I wish I could just get her out of my head.
Anyway, this is a thread about after it has ended but before you've moved on. All are welcome to add their thoughts. Title comes from a Patty Griffin Song:
Useless Desires Say goodbye to the old street That never cared much for you anyway The different-colored doorways You thought would let you in one day Goodbye to the old bus stop, frozen and waiting The weekend edition has this town way overrated
You walk across a baseball field The grass has turned to straw A flock of birds tries to fly away from where you are Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend I can't make you stay I can't spend another ten years Wishing you would anyway
How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire And even I'm getting tired of useless desires
Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way For the little aches and pains The ones I have from day to day To help me think a little less about the things I miss To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this
I walk down to the railroad track and ride a rusty train With a million other faces I shoot through the city veins Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend You wanted to be free Somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I want to be
How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire And even I'm getting tired of useless desires
Say goodbye to the old building That never tried to know your name Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend You won't be seeing me again Goodbye to all the windowpanes shining in the sun Like diamonds on a winter day Goodbye, goodbye to everyone
How the sky turns to fire against a telephone wire Burns the last of the day down And I'm the last one hangin' around Waiting on a train track, and the train never comes back And even I'm getting tired of useless desires
