Quote: I could accept the dear in the headlights bit if h's time spent with ow AFTER my finding out about her was just a prolonged goodbye...but it wasn't...he continued to see her 3x a week and lied to me about it...and THEN moved out for over six months all the while stating he wasn't comming back..that he had feelings for this woman before we even married...that he never felt that way with me (and yes I do believe him) bla bla bla and a whole lot of other crap. he continued to speak to her even after he started to come home...I'm not sure he even has stopped talking to her..point is it really doesn't matter.
LL, my point was simply to say that we know it's a process. Our Ses have to work through this cr@p in their own time...and we have NO control over this timeline. The only thing, as DBers, we can do is "get a life," and in that, make ourselves attractive to our Ses again. This you know.
However, in many situations, when our Ses are doing something sneaky behind our backs and we find out, we find out "prematurely"...before they've really had an opportunity to work through their junk. Heck, I firmly believe this is the deal with KAW, it happened with SB, I think (if I remember correctly) it happened with Sage, and I also think this is what happened with your H. For me, I found out after a year of my W's PA/EA, so the "novelty" had already run its course.
Quote: his thinking is that this place invades my thoughts
Ahh...insecurity. It's the same with SB's H. He fears he's being trash-talked, which might hurt the recovery of the M. My W too was concerned about what people were telling me on the BB. I was honest and specific about some of the information that people were telling me, and she was relieved that you folks were telling me to stick with it.
