Oh wow.... Yeah, I basically agree with everything that's being said here. The sitch won't change until you change. Right now, it's self-perpetuating. You'll be "stuck" in this, until you do something different(pull away). I think it's a lot harder for you to cope with this when you keep seeing him and talking to him all the time. It's obviously hurting you a lot! It will be a lot easier for you if start seeing him less, adding mystery, getting a life- doing all the DB tactics. DB is not about giving up or planning your divorce, DB is designed to help save your M (unless you decide you want to move on, then it is helpful in that way too-like for me-but it can work either way). Here's a question for you. What are you afraid of? What do you think is keeping you from following DB right now?
You've just got to trust that DB may work for your situation and give it a real, honest try. You will be ok- it's you who is charge of making the happiness for yourself, right!
From an outside point of view, it's kind of clear he's in a fog (drugs/alcohol) and he's probably got no intentions of commitment for your M, but of course he enjoys things how they are. He's been acting this way for a year, right? It's cake eating, no other way to say it. And as long as you're still available in this way to him, there's no reason for him to change. That's why DB is necessary.
Here's the final question- do you want your R to continue to be like it is right now? If the answer is no, I want more! (which I'm pretty sure you do)- then you have to act differently with him. You need to LRT, GAL, etc. Nothing will change until YOU change. And yes, one person changing can affect a relationship for the better. That's the entire premis behind DB.
I hope we're all encouraging here!
DBer since 2003 D - 3/24/09 GAL and DBing for myself
