M, No flames here. I most likely would have been a bit stronger in my wording than you because my personality is different. Now, that you've sent the email, you will need to really step back from h when he comes around. It's time to find ways to do 180s...no more nicely done up meals when he's there, no more sitting w/him when he's there, no more walking him to the car, etc. Get the picture? He's got to start seeing that you are pulling back from him and he needs to put his rump in gear and start pushing off the bottom of that barrel and soon.
Time for you to do something for yourself...a nice hot bubble bath and then a bit of pampering this evening. The girls are old enough to clean up the kitchen and it's time that you take a little bit of "me" time for yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have not cooked a nice meal since the holidays but that was my plan, to take a backseat when he is here. And, no more sitting with him either.
I hope he hears me loud and clear. I would love to know who he thinks he is going to hurt. He has already done that to me and the kids. And really, I have nothing to discuss with him because he does not see that he is doing anything that God will not forgive him for.
It is sick.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Oh, I did ask him today what he does all day. He said watches tv and then I asked what else and he said run errands and go shopping!! Huh???? He never ran errands when he was at home and I did the grocery shopping as well.
Very strange.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Glam: He is far enough along to be able to hear me out. I have been silent and have let it be. Right now, it is time for me to speak up and let him know how this has affected me.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Do you not think he knows how much he has hurt you? Do you really need to tell him? Sometimes saying nothing says more and shows more.
Just my thoughts. By pointing these things out is it really going to make him think wow I better stop what I am doing and come home? He is not going to get an awakening that way.
He will continue to do what he is going to do until HE wants to change HIS life for the better.
I know you know all of this already, I just hate to see you having to go through all of this again.
Sorry, you are feeling this way.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
See! When we talked today, I said all the same things as everyone here. Your H is stuck in his cement shoes. He has to chisel them off. Back way off and let him figure this out. Hang in there.
NO, he does not because he has said that everyone will get over it or that in a few years from now, we will laugh about this.
All he seems to be concerned with is how hurt ow will be and he cannot do that to her.
Glam: my h is really far enough along where he needs to hear how much something has affected us and not be all about him and how it will hurt ow. He only sees what he wants to see as he has no clue what we have gone thru.
There is a time to be silent but there is also a time to speak up because if you don't, it will be worse.
He, himself has always told me to speak up and tell him what is on my mind and I am doing just that.
He needs to know that even though God is in control, which I think he uses as an excuse and says that God does not answer his prayers or speak to him, that h still choose his lifestyle willingly and knowlingly no matter how it makes his own flesh and blood feel.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
