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not much to complain about...plus I spent a bit of time reading the thread of a rather pathetically confused waw and note how selfish and immature she sounds and don't want to be like her.
Do tell, I am always willing to learn about waw's, what is her username.
it is just really bugs me to see so many seek the advice an councel of someone who contradicts themselves in so few posts! I have not bothered to point out many of her contradictions because I'm sure she will take it as my being flippant and even if she didn't take it as flippant she certainly would find some rational for herself.
not much to say here other than I think things seem to be on the upswing again...a different type of upswing though...I think a more lasting one...that is if I don't let me get to myself.
h has been attentive but also keeping his own space (ie watching football, talking to friend on phone etc) had a b-day party for dd on sat and h was "present" tossed the football around with the guys, mingled, helped set up and did most of the clean-up, and even initiated when all the kiddos where in bed.
our "fight" last week over the sex stuff on the puter lead to a discussion of other things...which then lead to his calling and letting me know that though he doesn't say the words ily he does try to show me in some small way every day and I'm trying once again to listen.
yesterday (sun) h and son spent the morning outside working on getting the driveway prepared for paving and then as a family we went out looking at those big screen tvs...before leaving h suggested we go out to uno's with the kids for dinner...he must have been reading my mind. When we got home h did some research for the tv on the puter while talking to buddie who has purchased a few in the past couple of years...I watched a movie...I tried not to feel jelous of h discussing the tv's with buddie instead of me...I was ok about it after realizing that I would do the same if I had a friend who had made such a major purchase already rather than simply blindly researching together.
I did buy h a card when I was out shopping for the b-day party...it was simple...said on the outside...sombody loves you...(guess who?) and on the inside me!...I wrote this in it.
h, I may stomp my feet and get frustrated from time to time but one thing always remains true and that is I love You!
I want so much for us (not in the monotary sense) and our amazing children that I can, at times lose site of what we have.
there's obviously a whole lot more I could say but most importantly I love and appreciate You!
h read it thurs night...then came over hugged me and said "i love and appreciate you too"
I'll admit that I was afraid to give it to him...was afraid that it would signify my "giving in" to him and his attempts at niceness would waiver...it appears they have not.
Loved your post and the way that you have swung around on handling this. You are truly an amazing woman. Your H knows this and appreciates it.
I think that sometimes we just get so caught up in what is in our heads that we don't communicate like we should. I have found out that this has been the problem with my H. I am hoping that soon I can join you all over here on piecing.
You are doing great. Loved the card and your H's reaction to it.
P.S. Now I DO feel bad for calling him "as thick as they come"...I DID notice you coming to his defense on that, though, so maybe it was ok!
is ok shiny....he is after all pretty thick...but I must be to else I wouldn't still be with him now would I.
don't really know how I feel today...sort of having a day of "why the hell should I accept this".
since h did say "I've been home almost a year and you still go to a site called divorce busting...why don't you go to a site for marriage busting" (obviously h just doesn't understand the title and just hears the divorce word) so knowing that such a titled site (mbuilders) does infact exhist...I took a look..and of course didn't like some of what it had to say...
since I do still struggle with resentment (you know me the one who is easily irritated by waw's who leave or have affairs and complain of very little while I put up with emotional absense, physical absense, being second or third for years, an affair, seperation, abandonment etc) and noticed a section about resentment...somehow within the information about affairs and the healing process I came across this...
Quote: If, on the other hand, either husband were to have another affair, the association would be much harder to extinguish. In fact, when a couple goes through a recovery after an affair, and then experience another affair, the resentment is often more intense and more persistent after the second recovery. With multiple affairs and recoveries, resentment is almost impossible to overcome. But then, in those cases I usually feel that the emotional reaction of resentment is not irrational at all. Emotions are telling the person that it's not a good idea to continue the relationship, and I would agree.
so h may not have had multiple affairs...but when the ow was first disclosed and our first calm talks of d occured..we then started a "recovery", but h lied and continued seeing ow, then left...so now I am left feeling a tad duped and not sure of myself or my feelings.
this all would have been so much easier to deal with had h not left.
football season is fast aproaching and that will mean h on the phone with buddie (wich btw he is doing as we speak...the third attempt at calling him since his arival home just over an hour ago)
sons orientation for pre-school is tommorow! h won't be able to make it...too bad for him! I'll be there with bells on wouldn't miss it for the world!
Hey LL...gotta make this quick, so forgive the hastiness.
Quote: so h may not have had multiple affairs...but when the ow was first disclosed and our first calm talks of d occured..we then started a "recovery", but h lied and continued seeing ow, then left...so now I am left feeling a tad duped and not sure of myself or my feelings.
Given many people's situations (including mine), this is very common. My W likened her reaction to my first discovery as "a deer in headlights." She swore she'd never contact OM again, but what did she do? She went over to his house to say goodbye. I think our Ses need time to work through this process and say farewell in their own way.
You caught your H offguard and he likely felt he had little choice at that point...and he had yet to finish this "process." I'm not excusing his behavior, but he didn't have multiple As...although I know exactly what you're saying...
Sorry...there's more I wanted to say, but I have to run. I hope what I said made sense...and wasn't too hasty.
Quoting lostlove: since h did say "I've been home almost a year and you still go to a site called divorce busting...why don't you go to a site for marriage busting" (obviously h just doesn't understand the title and just hears the divorce word) so knowing that such a titled site (mbuilders) does infact exhist...I took a look..and of course didn't like some of what it had to say...
so...ll...what is h trying to communicate to you by bringing this up? did you ask what his concern was? is he feeling as though YOU may be still not IN the m?
I found the marriage builders site depressing as hell after finding out about h's a. Heck, even "after the affair" felt like a disaster since we were SO far away from h wanting to be "in" the marriage, etc. Honestly? I think that DB is much more "sustainable". but that's my 2 cents (plus what jethro said... )
Quote: football season is fast aproaching and that will mean h on the phone with buddie (wich btw he is doing as we speak...the third attempt at calling him since his arival home just over an hour ago)
ah, LL, what if this football season you were his biggest cheerleader? Does he spend more than a few hours a week at it?
I know my h has planned his entire sunday around the game ... I think I'm getting him and his friend takeout from someplace! Hey, I'm gonna have one happy h after the game, though
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
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