i would need something better to do with 4-5 hours. since i am on my feet at work, walking is not what i particularly want to do since i get a shooting pain in the middle of my feet after being on them for 4-5 hours.
i am boxed into a corner.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
It's a tricky one, because then MWG would be a prisoner outside her home rather than a prisoner in it. Have you thought this through enough because you sometimes need him to drive you to work or are you going to make son ask him for the lifts. Before you would go and sit with him outside maybe now you could just stay indoors and maybe he wouldn't come in. Who knows what will happen, as it stands nothing will change because he is obviously quite content with this arrangement. It suits him, depressed or not he is making the choices.It is not like he hasn't enough energy to just go with the flow because he quite clearly can say no and often has to yours and the kids requests. It seems he can't say no to his g/friend. So he is able to make choices just not the right ones or the ones you hope for. I am sure you will just keep on keeping on MWG, you carry him and the family. Did he contact his father yet? I wish I could see some positves after all this time-gosh I am certain you do too. Take care of you and speak from the heart, thats all you can do.
I dont know how you do it and have done it for so long. Maybe I am blessed that i dont have to see my husband evry now and then like you do and have to.you are one strong woman in my book.you ahve been at it for so many years and he ahs come back at one time and went back to that homewrecker whore.....and still you just take it and take it.....and I do believe God is in control ....and it is thru you that I can see that... GOD BLESS YOU
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
Not sure if you have a TV in your room, but maybe you could just watch movies. I know that when I am stressed or don't want any contact from anyone, I like to just watch movies in our bedroom.
It seems to relaX and destress me. Maybe a good book. I would try being silent with your h for now. He really needs to do some serious soul searching.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I have my computer in my room but it will be competitive. The kids do not gather around H when he comes over. As a matter of fact, he does not say hello, if at all.
H comes in, goes outside and sits.
D15 minds her own business and it is as if she is not here. D16 is around and she eventually talks to him. S18 is sometimes here but is mostly at work.
Me, well, I am going to do what I have to do.
H has it ingrained that I will call the police on him. Now who would be putting those thoughts in his head???? I thought we were well past that based on our conversations.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Could he just be trying to manipulate you with his comments? Is he trying to get a reaction from you about the police comment? I really do think you are a saint.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
M, Actually, I do not think the ow has put any thoughts in your h's head about the police. When in crisis, they remember what transpired previously and it's stuck in their brain and nothing will shake it until they wake up. Their paranoia eats at them and once we've done the "unthinkable" in their minds to them, it stays there. What do you do about it....nothing. He's going to have to figure that one out on his own.
BTW, until they get a very good grip on the bottom of the barrel and begin to float again, the paranoia still plays a role in their way of thinking. I think your h is scared to death to let go of that paranoia and face total reality right now. He knows that once he faces everything front and center, there will be no excuse not to come home.
The ow may voice her opinion, but your h's depression is what is driving his guilt, shame and paranoia right now.
You are going to have to step back just a little bit, when he comes over, go to your room and leave him be. I know you don't want to do this in your own home, but he's got to see you aren't going to be out front and center for a bit. He's just a bit too comfortable w/the way things have been going for a few weeks and we need to find a way to shake that comfort zone up just a little bit. Nothing drastic.
Please take care of yourself. I do worry about all of the stress that you are under and how it may be affecting your health.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I did something just now and it may have been right or wrong. He seems to think that nobody has been hurt by this.
I sent him a text which basically said that:
Yes, someone has been hurt ME and the kids. I went on to say that each and everyday he chooses to go outside of our marriage and continue like this, it is like sticking a knife in me and the kids.
I then went on to say that in his eyes, to please consider me dead because I think I am .
Okay flame away...........
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
