Piecing Friends, The housecleaner came a few days ago. My W was inspired to work while she worked. My W has done more housecleaning in the past week, since I hired the housecleaner, than probably all of last year. My W is more willing to do housecleaning with a housecleaner than with me. She is home today from work, organizing the house for the next cleaning.
The place looks so much better. My W is now wanting to host a dance party. The housecleaner returns in two weeks.
My W accompanied me to yoga twice this past week. This has never happened before.
After yoga on Tuesday night I agreed to go downtown to listen to some jazz. We met someone from our dance community, who travels to Puerto Rico on a yearly basis. My W is wanting to travel there this summer.
I continue to put the dog in daycare 2-3X/week, so that he is not spending every day in a cage.
I continue to cook in a crockpot weekly for my W. This has cut down on complaints that there's nothing to eat in the house, and needing to go out to restaurants several times per week.
She still has her mood swings and can be unpredictable, and sharp with her words.
DR advises to experiment and monitor results. The influence of the cooking, doggie daycare, and now hiring a housecleaner seems to be positive.
I'm planning on attending a Friendship Force meeting next Friday to listen to a world traveler talk about their experiences, and to see if this group will fit my W and I. My W wants to attend also. My sense is we're ready for a group like this, and will fit in well.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Yay! CL, I am thrilled that you're yielding positive results. Hopefully as you get more time under your belt with these new actions things will progressively improve. I commend you on the thoughtfulness you've put into all this.
Aud and Matilda, My W was home with the puppy a few days ago. He chewed thru the cord of a small appliance. My W was furious. She has a low tolerance for the puppy, and does not want to spend time supervising him.
It looks like I'm going to need to increase the amount of days he spends in daycare, so that he is not home with my W on her days off, and so that he is not spending a long day in a cage when my W works, and I work late.
My W gets upset with me when I initially fret about the cost of daycare. I can see that my W wants to be free to do projects around the house, and not feel guilty about him being home in a cage. I can lower the cost of daycare by purchasing the days in larger blocks.
Last night my W and I went to a jazz club. She left out two $20 bills on the table, apparently for the waitress to take as-needed. I noticed the money, but did not say anything. By the end of the evening, one of the twenties was missing.
My W was furious on the way home. This carried over into a R talk about all the ways I lie to her, disappoint her, and have stolen from her. I decided it was best to sit in the storm. She calls me a failure, a liar, and a thief.
There is nothing constructive during the discussion. It's a rant of her subjective opinions. The theme seems to be, that she wants me to take care of her, and anything falling short is taken personally.
If she wants a stereo system (which she bought with her personal savings recently for $1500), I'm to go out and buy one for her. If she wants to move to a different neighborhood, I am to figure-out how to make that happen. If she wants vacations, I am to work to the extent needed to afford it. Having to dip into her own savings, is considered stealing.
After two hours, she told me to sleep in the guest room with the dog. I went, so that things would wind down, as she repeats herself. She asked why was I sleeping the guest room, and that I needed to sleep with her. I told her I would sleep with her, if she agreed to stop talking.
I told her that if she's that unhappy, and decides to pursue a D, she needs to tell me when she does so. That was the only time D was brought-up. Listening to her, one would think, this M is headed straight for D.
I'll stay the course for now, unless she tells me she no longer wants to be married to me, by increasing the amount of doggie daycare, cooking weekly, going dancing with her, cooking for the PT job for extra money, scheduling housecleaning as often as my W needs, and looking into the world travel group.
I'm not sure I agree with her expectation, that I'm to do whatever it takes to make sure there is cash flow for all her needs, including vacations.
I would lose balance in my life, if I tried to meet her financial expectations. I would be living primarily to support her. I believe that I work more than enough with my FT job making a respectable salary (mid-40's), and the PT cooking job.
I am at a point of resignation. If she were to pursue a D, I would probably be relieved no longer having to be married to someone who seems to have such a poor subjective opinion of me. If she stays, it buys me time to put actions in place that may have an influence on mending the R.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Re. puppy.....I have heard that dogs consider the cage their home. My dog goes in there willingly during the day (we leave the door open all the time) so it may not be that much of a burden for the puppy and would save you money if you didn't have to increase doggy day care.
Matilda, I think four months into Piecing (no sleeping elsewhere) is still a relatively short time. I have a one year timeline in mind, before I ask myself such a serious question.
There seems to be enough positives to keep working, and problem-solving. I don't want to end things impulsively out of frustration.
I'm not afraid of D. Fear is not what's keeping me going this time around. As Aud says, I need time for the changes to be incorporated into the R. She still seems to judge the R on the past.
I think the puppy in the cage issue is more my W's issue than the puppy's. He is a big puppy (47lb.) at seven months. I'll respect my W's wishes on this one, and hope she can move eventually into spending some days with the puppy. I won't force it on her. I think it contributed to last night's rant.
The puppy is a lifeline for me, and brings joy into my life while I work with an unpredictable, mood swinging, W.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, I don't know all your story but from what I read I seriously wonder why on earth you put up with so much. Maybe your wife has some redeeming qualities but I just never read about them. Sounds like she doesn't want a husband just a cheques book and slave. I am sure at some point you do stand up for yourself and are not continually at her beck and call. I would be tempted to cage the wife and give your darling pup the freedom to roam free. A few chewed cables would be nothing to the damage your wife does. Another 8 mths to go---you deserve a medal or certifying-lol.
I'm glad the puppy is your lifeline, CL. It is nice when a pet loves you unconditionally!!!!! Too bad people don't do that as well!!!
Have you scheduled your counseling yet? I know you may be less motivated to work on the intimacy issues when your wife is ranting and raving about other things.
It is nice when a pet loves you unconditionally!!!!
It is the best feeling, any future R I may have come with the proviso, love me love my dog. In fact he is a real judge of character and I trust his instincts over mind anyday. CL, sorry if my comments were a bit harsh, I just see aman doing so much work on his marriage and getting little back. I hurt for you.
