In person, I don't act like everything is fine. When we're together for something, I can see the guilt on her face. I don't act all sad or down, I act as non-chalant as I can. Even on the phone, I really try to NOT be chatty with her. The long phone convo on that Monday, I heard her out first, then things started going back and forth.
Its my emails or when we would IM, that I over do it. Our phone convo's and in person meets are strained at best . . .
I guess that's just not the impression that several of us get, H4H. That doesn't make us right and you wrong -- hell, maybe you're just describing your interactions with her in a biased manner, unintentionally -- but we DO all seem to be having the same dream here.
Don't you hear the CSI music playing in the background when you read my posts? I wanna be the hot chick...yeah, just picture her....
Like Puppy said, it seems like you are chatty cathy with her when you explain what you say to her on here, but maybe we aren't getting the whole story from you or maybe it just comes across differently when you share it on here.
If you overdo it on IM and emails, you could try to stop them.
Oh my, no, I don't think it does any good to remind her of her "scarlet letter"...I think you missed the point I was trying to make.
Two days.....good!!!! Let her miss you and everything about you!!!!!!
Doesn't seem like our sweet Karen is developing a split personality? One minute she is hard as nails and the next minute she is kissing your boo boo, making it all better. Got to love her!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No chatty cathy for at least the past 3 weeks. Pretty direct and to the point. I mean, I don't try to be rude. I'll listen, I'll answer. In person, like at the mall, I may ask her how her day went, but I think she understands that I'm only asking to be nice. She might just say, "Good".
The other night, I was making the Vacation movie joke with D11, not the wife. I only told the wife not to put lettuce in the sandwiches any more. I did say it in a joking manner, but nothing else.
Its my emails where I pour it on.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I love this woman. I miss the hell out of her. I hate what she has done. When I see her in person, it just freakin' hurts, not to be able to show her or say what I feel for her. To have to put a front to her about how strong I am. How better off I am. How upbeat I am. Thats part of why I might come across as jokey with her in person. I'm trying to be upbeat. Showing her how I'm moving forward, when deep inside, I haven't really.
For all we've been through, what she has put me and the family through, I should just absolutely hate her. I shouldn't want anything to do with her.
Am I afraid that I won't find anyone else? Someone who was as good a person that she used to be inside? The mother she used to be? The one that would not have done anything to hurt her kids. Or me. I want her back, and I know that that woman is still hiding inside of her. I could be fooling myself, but I believe she is still there somewhere.
I can remember the first time that I laid eyes on her. What she looked like, what she wore. Everything.
I do my own thing. I live my life. I spend time with B. We talk on the phone a hell of a lot. But my wife still occupies my thoughts. It won't stop. On the way to work, I look for her car. My heart just pounds when I catch sight of it. At work, I hope that she'll send an email or call me.
My emails are my way of showing her what she is missing. Because thats all I got. Through those messages, I try to give her the guy she was wanting.
I think to myself, how could I have F'ed this up so bad and at the same time, feel like it was me that let my family down. Somehow, I didn't take care of what I was supposed to. Like the song goes, "It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do".
Aside from a girl in high school that I could never get out of the 'friend zone' with, I have never really experienced rejection.
Okay, now I'm really starting to sound like a pus.
Man, do I have problems or what?
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Doesn't seem like our sweet Karen is developing a split personality? One minute she is hard as nails and the next minute she is kissing your boo boo, making it all better. Got to love her!
kat
Thanks. I think H deserves kudos for the no contact, but it's frustrating sometimes when you see a friend doing stuff that you know is maybe not the best...I try to be honest about that; I don't mean to be hard as nails though and apologize if I am sometimes. Karen
Karen, you are becoming sooo strong. It is amazing to see. Don't feel bad about it. Sorry if I offended you, I am just in awe. You know I adore you my friend.
Roger, reading how much you love your wife, I can really see your inner struggle. I think we have all felt those things about our spouses. I can remember so many good things, it is hard to believe he has become this alien in such a relatively short period of time.
If you can see her torn, if you can see her guilt then I truly believe the only real hope you have is doing what we all have suggested. She has to miss you. She will begin to see the flaws in OM. Don't e-mail unless necessary and even then only short and simple. Don't let the sweet jokey Roger show through. It may be the hardest thing you do, but drop the rope and kick it away.
Perhaps just write down on a calender when money for the Y is due and what your portion is. Let her know you will be paying, how much and when then drop it. Don't invite her to things, she expects that. Don't buy things for her or bring her extra stuff. You may be thinking of your kids but she has to deal with the situation that she created. You have been rescuing her way too often. I really want to see this marriage saved. If you do too, you need to do this now. That isn't even starting on B. I know you are lonely, I know it feels great but you can't keep doing this and have any hope of saving your marriage. Remember how words say one thing but actions are what we use as a guide as far as our WAS? Your actions aren't saying, I want to save my marriage.
Get together with your male friends, keep busy with them when you don't have your kids. The thing is Roger, your wife knows how things go when you are together, but she does NOT know what it is like with out you. Let her know that.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
