Okay, I admit it...I read those books!! Yes, me, 4 degrees and all and I'm a sucker for a good historical romance.
I've even tried to write a few. I'm pretty sure it was the torrid bodice ripping scenes that got me hooked on these at age 12.
Just babbling away, keeping LL's thread up at the top...probably make her mad as hell when she has to wade her way through all this stuff!!
SERIOUSLY...LL...I was just over on working24now's thread and it seems that less than two weeks ago she went off on her H in such a way that he FINALLY, FINALLY got it...and has been making serious strides in the right direction.
I asked her to share with you just what she thinks "did it" this time. Hope you don't mind. I also said your H was as "thick as they come"...hope that wasn't too harsh .
LL I was reading Trying24now's thread and asked her for some clarification on your behalf...oh yeah, I told you that already...here it is:
Shiny and Sun
I think what finally "turned him around" was a culmination of things. I had backed off. I had stopped (for a long time saying ILY) I let him say it first and SOMETIMES I would say ILY2, other times I just said, "Thank you" (stupid I know but saying ILY back just didn't feel right sometimes). I stopped calling him unless it was either absolutely necessary OR if he specifically asked me to call him. I stopped asking his whereabouts or plans. I stopped inviting him over. I stopped 98 % of ALL R issue discussions. I did continue to stay "upbeat", when he called I "sounded happy to hear from him" I called him "Hon" on occassion. I touched his hand when we talked sometimes to emphasis a point. I remembered to compliment him when he looked nice, did something nice (unexpected), I let him know I enjoyed our "dates" by saying, "I had a wonderful evening/afternoon/weekend (whatever), thank you." I began letting him initiate our plans, he asked if we could do such and such on Saturday, he began to ask if he could come by tonight, he increased the number of phone calls to me. (I continue to randomly select certain calls NOT to answer).
I could "See" that he was "coming around" but I was becoming increasingly impatient, so one night recently I decided that I'd had about enough of "not knowing" where we were headed so I threw all caution (and DB principles) to the wind and gave him a piece of my mind. I think you can find that little tirade in my Ugh Oh Help thread. That night, he didn't run, he didn't get defensive, he sat and took what I was dishing out. Months ago he would have said, "See this is exactly what I'm talking about, this will never work because no matter what I say or do it won't be enough." THIS TIME although I could "see" that he wanted to say something like that once or twice...he couldn't get it out. Instead, he sat there resignedly and took it all in. I fully expected NOT to hear from him the next day. I expected him to "hide" but he didn't INSTEAD it was as if all the pleading, begging, nagging, crying of all the previous months of this hell suddenly broke through to him. He said that night that he still wasn't ready to come home but that WAS what he was trying to do, that's what he wants to do. And this time when he said it, I believed him.
Things have been different between us since that night. I don't really know why, I can't really explain it, but there is a more peaceful, safeness between us now.
Am I leery? Of Course, remember we're all shell shocked from this nightmare, but I'm also for the first time in over a year feeling safe to believe that he and I DO have the same agenda. Will we get there? Don't know. Are we BOTH really trying now? YES
T2
I'll try an locate the actual event If I have time...peace to you LL...hope your break is serving YOU well...I liked the vacation idea too.
I am just going to assume the whole porn thing was basically the scenario that jethro described...a curious click on an email (or ok possibly an accidental click on open instead of delete) wich spawned all hell to break loose.
I am just going to assume the whole porn thing was basically the scenario that jethro described...a curious click on an email (or ok possibly an accidental click on open instead of delete) wich spawned all hell to break loose. As matter of fact yes, don't believe them, H was surfing, so what, I don't see the big deal.
Quoting poepad: </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> having fun?!
I am just going to assume the whole porn thing was basically the scenario that jethro described...a curious click on an email (or ok possibly an accidental click on open instead of delete) wich spawned all hell to break loose. As matter of fact yes, don't believe them, H was surfing, so what, I don't see the big deal.
poe poe poe,
there is a difference between intentionally "surfing" and opening an email...in the end is it a "big deal" probably not...but it would be nice if h were infact doing so that he could be honest...h has always claimed to have little to no interest in such "stuff". and for whomever made the comment that there are such magazines at h's office...sorry to dissapoint you...what you will find there are posters of turf management, possible pests that damage turf...sports illustrated magazines (not even the swinsuit one) the closest to that stuff you will find (and sheesh he doesn't even hang the stuff) are banners from football games with cheerleaders.
Quote: there is a difference between intentionally "surfing" and opening an email...in the end is it a "big deal" probably not...but it would be nice if h were infact doing so that he could be honest...h has always claimed to have little to no interest in such "stuff".
Maybe H is afraid of your wrath if he admitted to it.
Quoting poepad: </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> there is a difference between intentionally "surfing" and opening an email...in the end is it a "big deal" probably not...but it would be nice if h were infact doing so that he could be honest...h has always claimed to have little to no interest in such "stuff".
Maybe H is afraid of your wrath if he admitted to it.
there would be no wrath if in fact he admitted to it...it would simply surprise me because he has always claimed to not be interested in such things...heck we just got satelite tv and most of the stations are free for the first three months...of the two of us..who do you think took a peek to see if the "adult" channels were comming in free??????? I'll give you a hint...it wasn't him (an no they don't come in)
if you want to assume that h was infact surfing the web looking at such stuff...go right ahead and assume...I would tend to think that a more accurate assumption would be that he was checking the email on our other account (one I also have access to it's the origianl generic addy we set up but no longer use but junk does get sent there) deleting the emails....one opened (heck I've done that on occassion by accident myself) he then either clicked on something there out of curiousity or having opened the initial link set off a chain reaction...cause you see all the things I saw were infact connected through the original site...
it's really not something worth discussing here..cause people of course have their own ideas and opinions about such things...am I curios about what happend? sure...do I believe his explenation (wich btw is exactly the same explenation that jethro gave)? sure...does it really matter in the end? NO.
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