Hard to believe, but 3 of the 4 get mad that I want her back and have told me so straight out. Want us back together, they don't even really acknowledge her! Oh, yeah, I have my answers and I know it looks like BS, I do not extract or expect pity, pity is for losers. I don't have to finish first in this or finsih last to win. I have to be me. That I am. My hope is gone, of that there is no doubt anyomore. I even hate hte word. But, my Faith is unreal, absolutely unreal. I have Faith in things I have had before and things are working for me. Hope is for the weak. Faith is for those who believe. that is me. You are arguing with the man who tells his kids not to tell him to kick her to the curb, becasue she is sleeping with someone else. I am the one who tells then I don't want a date because I am not up to it and they argue, go out find someone, have a fling, doesn't bother her and she's doing it. I have to argue this. they are not telling me this to make me feel better, they know it hurts to hear it. that is why "we" don't talk about it. trust me, if she was to move to the other side of the country with OM, these kids wouldn't go to her going away party.
this family has been tight and as far as the kids are concerned , she has been acting selfish and fullof herself for over 2 years and they are disgusted by it. they would not come down to our campground because of her antics. that's right!!! Her antics. My son in law was so put off by her actions two nights befor ethis happened that he told my daughter she will never be alone with my son, ever!!!
Oh trust me, I am not posting lines of crap here for pity, I have enough poeple around trying to toss that at me. No this is purely this, I cannot see her face, she is that far gone from me tha tI cannot see the inevitable. Hope is gone and it hurts to type it let alone say it. My Faith, well lets just say that people who know me see that as a huge part of who I am right now. MY Faith in me and Him right now is beyond comprehension, that is no BS!. I am in control of my emoitons, it is my logic that fails with regard to her, there ar eno tears, there is no backpedaling, there is only Fiath in my belief, nothing else in this situation matters, at all!
I am sorry to have offened you, but I know what is around me at all times, I am high on this hill and the master of my domain, and believe me, arrows come from all sides. I posted to you last week that my oldest D finally now believes that she will come back, why, because she told me she sees it in my eyes when I talk!!! No BS there...This didn't just happen, and I believe my kids knew about things and her antics way ahead of me. Pretty sad when I start to add up things about me and my kids and her and my kids and why they are strong to me...This wbsite isn't ig enough, but when and if you meet them, ask them, who went to parents night, who went to college night, Who drove them everywhere, who scraped together money whne they needed it, etc...she was a good mother, a great mother, but they all noticed a change i her attitude over the past couple of years, the partying the flirting and all the rest. dancing like she should have a pole, thats right, my kids , her kids, made those comments. BS as to what my kids tell me, ah-ah....
This hurts them very badly, mostly for me, but for themselves as well. they have seen me come out of that funk rock solid and ready to rumble, they don't see her. wehn they do, she is a shadow of what they are used to, she doesn't fit in, has toulel talking to them without getting argumentive. Do you know how hard it is to keep my mouth shut when they say things about her and th eOM? Do you have any idea? thse kids idolize me, my oldest D has threatened this guy on the phone that she will tie him to her bumper and drag him up and down the mass pike until it is just rope.
I say nothing that encourages it, I acutally try to quelch it , I try to calm and tell them not to do it, thats right me, the name caller, becasue I do not ppropogate that in front of my kids or anyone else that might talk to her. I am the peacekeeper, I am the one with the level head in all this, I am the one with the FAITH!!!
Sorry to go off like that, but my post of ending this is just my frustration, I choose to go off here and think abou tit after. I will , from now on, go off in my head, think about it and decide whether or not to frustrate this board with my emotions.
