I've also asked for a clear sign to tell me how to proceed--to continue to stand or to move on to acceptance. Because I can't seem to get off this fence and I need to
Hoozh,
Personally, I think you need to apply some pressure here. Widen the exposure of the A. You mentioned his family, and you'd talked previously about the Bishop himself -- have you done either?
Actually, I don't have a working printer and I was going to print it in a large font for easier reading for his family. However, if I don't end up with the printer problem resolved, I'm just going to hand-write the letters. One for his parents, one for the brother and SIL in St. Louis. The other brother and his family are the ones who have been clear about not having communication with me (and he just started chemo this week) so I'm leaving them out--they already have the information and have chosen to disregard it, apparently.
As for the bishop herself, my chances of getting an "audience" are slim. I have already talked to a few different people on his discernment committees, who were shocked to hear and are in positions of decision-making. There are too many Episcopal priests at the moment, and it is a million-step process; I don't get the impression from the folks that I know that he will sail thru it by any means. I don't think that ordination is anywhere near the top of his list of current priorities anyway.
I have also considered informing OW's adult children about the real story of mom's new lover. Probably wouldn't accomplish anything, tho, and might be stepping over the boundaries. One of them recently had a baby, the other is newly engaged--so they're not little kids.
The other thing is, I was considering talking briefly with employee assistance, since I can no longer afford private counseling. I don't know if they might be concerned about the breach of ethics in their chaplaincy department. In my experience, tho, involvement with EA is rarely a positive thing, so I'm not jumping on that.
Last edited by hoosiermama; 01/09/0901:07 AM.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hmama, just be careful how you present the information to his family, or anyone, in writing ... you never know how this could be presented in court. To his family, try and make it a case of ".... love you all so much, etc. etc. .... so sorry I am losing you to an ex-girlfriend wicca, of all people, but I truly didn't want this to happen. Always hoped to be there... will always be in my heart ... You may not believe me, but I did try my best, etc. I am going to miss you so much. I don't expect a reply, but I needed you to know my feelings for you before the divorce and while I am still legally/officially your daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and so forth." Let it be something in passing, as if you expect them to know already and more about your missing them and wanting them to know that. Couch it in sadness of losing them and how heartbroken you are about that ... because you are.
I could be stating the obvious to you, but just in case ....! Don't send them proof, unless they ask. They may ask him what's this about the wicca woman, and he'll say Hmama is just crazy, but if they know their son well enough, they will know. And, one day, when he introduces her to them ... how does he explain that then???? Then, they will know he lied to them, and they'll wonder what other lies he has told while upsetting their grand-daughter's life. If they're like any other grandparent, they would not be happy about that. And, perhaps there will be some vindication for you at that time, but it wouldn't matter because you will have moved on.
Okay, why are you doing this again?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm doing it basically because if I'm going to lose them as my family, they might as well have the truth. I guess also because they've been a part of my life for so long (since '90) that I hate to have them think badly of me when I really have tried hard to be a good wife and mother. And of course, in a best-case scenario, they would put some pressure on him to prioritize his family over wicca woman. Altho that didn't happen with anyone else I have told and expected to "intervene."
And besides, Puppy said so.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I'm doing it basically because if I'm going to lose them as my family, they might as well have the truth. I guess also because they've been a part of my life for so long (since '90) that I hate to have them think badly of me when I really have tried hard to be a good wife and mother. And of course, in a best-case scenario, they would put some pressure on him to prioritize his family over wicca woman.
Actually, I don't have a working printer and I was going to print it in a large font for easier reading for his family.
C'mon, Hoozh, I luv ya, but that's weak . . .
I know, I know. Alright, the real reason is because I wanted to get a few days past this weekend, which was a very difficult one, so that I'd be writing with a clearer head and not as a reaction or revenge. It's been a difficult month--holidays and all--and a worse weekend. I know better than to write this kind of letter when my mind is in a fog of stress and depression.
There's the ugly truth, Pup!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
