sorry shiny....the only thing this has been is a catalyst for h to show me that he has not become a better person but that he has regressed...I'm tired of him treating my with disrespect. I am tired of his shovonistic attitudes...I'm tired of his unsults...I'm tired of being with someone who continuously treats me like there is something wrong with me...I am not a basket case...I am not unstable...I am not many of the things h would like me to believe I am.
I am tired of trying in this relationship and being called crazy...or being accused of drinking..or allowing my mind to be filled by the thoughts of others (gee can I not form my own opion? do I not have my own feelings regarding my m? why when I bring things up must I hear "who have you been talking to now?)
I am tired of the whole thing and honestly shiny...I am done...I am out of here...I am closed off to h...I could care less what he does at this point..ignore me, don't ignore me...leave, stay...whatever...things wont change no matter what I do or what I change and honestly I am tired of changing to accomodate him or make the r work enough is enough already.
I cannot leave my home...though I'd love to just run away...it is very unlikely that h will leave again..after all this time he doesn't have a stepping off apartment to go to this time and I don't think he want's to put son through it again (one of the main reasons he came home was for son) so time to actually do some research and find out how long I have to wait to make it legal and think about how to set up the basement (for him) and how to go about making a schedule where he will be home by a certain time certain nights so that I may leave and have a life of my own.
there is little at this point that h can do...we all know that he doesn't know how to use words and I'm tired of his inconsistant actions. I have spoken...I have been heard and h has chosen to ignore my pleas...
I shouldn't have to put up with this anymore and I'm not going to.
