Quoting talitsa: I think you guys are right on the money with the avoider/resolver dynamic. It's probably very much like the dynamic Michele talks about with the pursuer/persued and I think that procrastinator/action oreinted would be related.
I'm seeing how I became more extreme in my own tendancies as a reaction to H's extremes at the other end of the spectrum. I tried dropping the rope, but that was misinterpreted. It wasn't until I EXPLAINED that I was dropping the rope and why, that there was more of a mutual effort to bring things more into balance.
As you both have similar dynamics in your R's, did you also notice that your natural tendancies became stronger as a reaction to your partners' behavior? certainly! a continued scenario of h retreating after an argument or conflict...me continuously trying to reach resolve..the harder I tried to get through that door the more locks and baracades he put up..ugh! How have you felt about yourselves if you were overcompensating in that way? horible, pathetic, ugly, nasty, desperate, frustrated, a basket case, hopeless....these feelings of course are mostly related to when I overcompensate during a conflict between h and I.
