Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I think I've found the happy! This may sounds very weird but today I have a new perspective on my life. I've realized that the love I have for my H IS unconditional! It has been forged out of the whole of our shared history together and nothing can ever change that. Pain can't kill it. The OW can touch it. It is pure and unsullied and beautiful and it is woven into the very fabric of our lives and is a fact.

The paid I have felt is from the thought of losing our future together. But what is that if not "future fu**ing". I don't know what the future holds! But whatever it holds, nothing can change or take away the love we shared. Ever!

And because my love is pure and unconditional, I truly want his happiness even if that is without me! And unconditional also means that I am willing to share that love in any way he needs during his journey. I am strong and I am whole and I am there for him.

I am also atually glad that this whole sitch happened, because my love was clouded fears of losing him or being alone, and low self esteem because I defined my very existence by my relationship with him. This experience has show me that I am whole within myself. I now know that my love is real and it is stronger for having gone through this, because I am stronger.

I do not know where my destiny lies. But I move toward it with an open heart and an open mind, no matter what it holds. I am free, and so is my H (although he may not know it). I told my H much of this, and he took it in, but didn't say much. I didn't expect him to. I'm sure he has no idea what to think of it or to trust it. But it is the truth, and I have no doubt that time will show him that.

I'm sure that there will still be days when I am blue and miss him terribly. I am a peri-menopausal woman! It's inevitable!! But that still doesn't change the fact of my care for this man. However, today I am happy! And I really like this feeling!!