Now She is Questioning!

[Jeff3]

Thanks T,

I just have to suppress the stressed out feeling when she does something weird, (no expectations). I am hopeful though because over the past month there has been alot of change and questioning. I just have to be more sensitive to the fact that when she initiates contact and conversation, I have to back off after, in order not to overwhelm her.

Reading and understanding more about ADAD has helped a great deal because I now kind of see why she reacts the way she does. This could definitely contribute to the MLC because her mind gets confused and has been dealing with a lot of negative stuff all her life.

Even if she changes her mind about skiing on Sunday I can't appear hurt. She declined on my invite for the cooking lesson, so I signed myself up, should be fun.

One thing my DB coach said to me about OM was that "who is doing the pursuing now?" answer OM. I never thought about it like that but she is right because my wife has been trying to break it off for a month but situations like the other night when she went of drink with him tend to make sense now. She went thinking they could be friends but I am sure he had other things in mind and she came home early.

I guess I have the advantage now because he doesn't know about DB'ing stuff and will keep pursuing (hopfully) which will push her away, as long as I make her feel safe and give her no pressure. One response was suggested to me by DB coach about when she asked how I felt about the fact that her firndship with OM crossed the line:

something like this: You're and adult and you make your own decisions. The relationship is your business, it's not my decision. I am not without responsibility and am in no position to point fingers.

You get the jist anyway but I guess the way I handled it is working so far based on the results. Just avoid getting into a deep conversation about it and move on so they know the door is open.

Rambling again but am learning alot!

Peace Out,

Jeff