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Yes, my W is the same. Problem is, in an R, couples gain intimacy through sharing these things...scary things. Thus, the R has a opportunity to grow as a result of each of us "exposing" ourselves. If we never share these things, there are far less opportunities for us to grow. This is a dynamic I'm trying to overcome with my W...and it seems a dynamic you need to overcome with your H.


jethro,

it seems more to me a dynamic that h has to get over...I have no problem expressing my fears with him or anyone for that matter (perhaps I have intimacy issues in that I can become emotionally intimate with almost anyone) h has intimacy issues that keep him from being intimate with anyone. but then again there is that rare occassion when there is an appearance of an actual human being there.

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You see, I firmly believe that my W went outside of our M because she thought she didn't love me (as we've all heard), couldn't REALLY connect with me, etc. Ironically enough, it was HER refusal to connect...it was her junk that got in the way of us connecting (not that I've been perfect or anything). Thus, whether it was me or OM, she still wouldn't be "connecting." The newness of her R with OM was an illusion of this connectedness...a connectedness she was missing...

Am I making any sense?


oh you make total sense to me! thing is I don't fully believe h has learned that yet..sure there are days ..but then there are days ...

ooops..gotta get back to ya later...son woke up and doesn't feel well..I should be in bed any way...but alas...h has started taking to falling asleep on the couch again. grrrrrr!

LL