No, that is what I felt this morning when I got up, I even questioned why i was going off last night. i think it was Ddays sitch, being close to the edge and then getting 2x4'd again. But I said to myself this morning, what were you doing questioning Him? You know damn well what you need to do...Wait...
I am going to do that. I will tell her to catch up with me next month. I will work with her to get some kind of payment program. May not have to worry though, I think they are coming after her car.
Thanks for looking in on me. You're one of the ones I look for on my threads...
I think that's why I got upset. There is some synergy in our sitchs. Most likely I don't want to have to do what you are doing now, getting that close and then getting thrown back, friggin roller coaster. We shall see...
Just called I was going to tell her not to worry about Decembers and she was all happy go lucky, not a care in the world. I asked her if she called the bank and she said she left messages and whatever. She thinks she has like 30 dollars to her name. Checking acct is overdrawn. I asked about the accident reports and she says she talked to the insurance company and they are fine. she printed them off line. She never read any of the mail I had D17 give her. there is no way. she says she just talked to the bank about her car over the holidays, I said I just gave a repo notice. She didn't read anything that was handed to her. that's a fact. She says she fgave them her cell number and her work number. I told her they are leaving messages everyday. She didn't call them because she just paid them 200. I told her, you needed to call them by yesterday. she said oh... she definitely never opened anything because the accident report forms were in the mail.
She then says she needs to try and bury the deductible. I told her you need to take it to a shop on their list and they will be paid directly. She said I can't use my own, I told her no. It has to be authorized so the body shopis guranteed their money.
I asked how everything else was going and she saifd fine. She definitely didn't read the mail I just had D17 give her Wednesday or she is just that far out there. She is probably going to try and write a check at the store she has a check being held at tuesday next week like she does and she is going to get slapped. She told me there is a full time position opening in plaistow, if it fall s through they told her they would put her on full time there. she told them she needs a full time job and would have to leave. She sounds very happy and excited in her life....What the F@#$ am I doing hanging around?
Why am I waiting for her again? there is no signs of any hitting the wall, hitting rock bottom or anything...!! I think I am through. I really think that was it for me, I think she is not MLC, she is not anything, she is just someone who pissed 31 years with mye without a second thought, dragged my heart through the dirt , spit on it, had a good laugh and jumped int he sack with this POS. And i want her back why? No, its over, I want to thank everybody for their time and engergy and prayers, but that shipped has sailed. time for me to move on and find someone to share my life with , cause it most definitely aint her!!!
I really don't know anything anymore. I am starting to believe that this has all been a fantasy in my mind that there was a chance she would come back. she had told me in the begining it was over and it didn't bother her one bit. You think MLc, you think do not believe what she says, you believe all these thngs becasue she will be back, My hope is completely shattered righ now, completely...F@#$ her, F#$% him I hope they are happty together. When she gets her full time job they can move in together and raise a family...Beautiful, I wasted 31 years of my life on this, I have 4 great kids, two wonderful grandsons and this no account, cheating, bitch!!! Yeah, I am feeling like I am the one making the big mistake. Screw her. I want my money paid for the car insurance and if I don't get it she is cancelled, simple enough. vindicitve you ain't seen nothing yet.
I am taking the self defeating stance now FH. That phone call was like havig a tooth drilled without novacaine. I am absolutely livid right now, out of my mind crazy pissed!!! I can't even imagine, now, how Dday feels, damn!!!! I didn't have his hope or sign, I now have no hope at all, noe zero. Maybe thats why I was saying those things to myself and Him ast night, because it was true and it is really over. She is not anyone I know, she is not anyone I want to know, she is spent, used and I hope she lives the rest of her lifwe that way.
I will keep checkingin on everyone, but I don't think I can go on now. I just feel, I don't know....Maybe everyone is right, kick her to the curb, I deserve better..
Do you see the change in your emotional state over the last hour?
Here are some things to think about before you doing anything you will regret:
Wow....who do you think is in control? You? Your W?
Is your W the enemy?
What's with all the name calling? Is that helpful to anybody?
Is this what Detachment looks like?
How are your kids gonna be affected when you throw in the towel?
What about your insight that most marriages can be saved if the LBS hangs on?
Why did you expect your W to "hit bottom" on YOUR timetable?
How deep IS your faith?
Come on, Lonely D....you are supposed to be walkin' the walk!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Whooaa....slow down LD. It is totally understandable how upset you are right now but you can't just through in the towel when she throughs these types of things at you. You have told me to believe half of what I hear and none of what I see. Are you following your own advice? If you don't ever want to wonder "what if" then you need to see this through to the end. When she gives you papers or decides that this other guys is worth marrying then I would say that it would be tough to hold on, some might even say hopeless. THIS IS NOT FAIR. I know that. She is living the carefree lifestyle while you are stuck keeping up your family finances, being the best dad you can, being a responsible adult... Do you think she likes living in this chaos? I am sure is some sick way it was exciting at first but it will get old. What if she has those short moments of clarity when she thinks about what she is doing and walking away from? She is probably pushing those feelings aside but she can not forever. Eventually it will all come back around. Do you want to be there when that happens or do you want to be the one that walked away? Sorry to sound harsh but I know you can hold on a bit longer.
M 27 W 26 M 4.5 Years T 6 years Bomb Oct. '08; "ILYBIANILWY", "You don't fit into my life", "Our marriage had to have been a mistake because it is not working".
Cool out. I had "THAT" conversation many times. But let me also toss in, with my W she would happy go luck state how great things are with OM and all with out a care or regard for my feelings. At least now, she seems to show some respect for my feelings al be it she is still going about her ways.
FaithfulH hit some good points, think about them carefully.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
What's with all the name calling? Is that helpful to anybody? FRUSTRATION, BEATS HTTING WALLS WITH MY HEAD
Is this what Detachment looks like? NO. JUST FRUSTRATION. IT ISN'T ANYTHING BUT PURE FRUSTRATION. LEFT HERE FOR A ROAD TRIP AND WANTED TO GO TO CHURCH. SANCTITY.
How are your kids gonna be affected when you throw in the towel? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THEY KEEP TELLING ME TOO. I THINK D17 LIKES SEEING ME HOLDON THO.
What about your insight that most marriages can be saved if the LBS hangs on? I BELIEVE IT, BUT AGAIN, SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE UP THE STATS FOR THOSE WHO DON'T MAKE IT. TRUST ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THAT LINE.
Why did you expect your W to "hit bottom" on YOUR timetable? DIDN'T, I KNOW IT SOUNDS IT. I AM UPSET THAT SHE DIDN'T EVEN READ VERY CRITICAL MAIL. OH, SHE WILL HT ROCK BOTTOM, I DON'T KNOW WHEN , BUT SHE WILL.
How deep IS your faith? WANTED TO GO TO CHURCH WHEN I WENT FOR A RIDE. I AM TAKING THIS WALK BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT WILL KEEP ME SANE AND FOCUSED. MY HOPE IS DEAD, MY FAITH IS KEEPING ME ALIVE.
Come on, Lonely D....you are supposed to be walkin' the walk! AND THAT'S WHAT REBOUNDED ME. HE ASKED WHY I WAS SO UPSET, THAT IS HER PATH, LET HER WALK IT, YOU CANNOT CONTROL IT. LOOK TOWARDS THE LIGHT AND KEEP WALKING
I watched a TV show the other night and a comment was made that I want to share with everyone. I have memorized it because I think it belongs on this site.
These two people were buried alive in this car. the woman turns to the guy and says "We need to have faith" He replies, "Faith,?Faith won't save us, its illogical that anyone willl find us" She looks at him and says "Faith is what you have when the logical seems impossible"
I remembered this when I went for my ride. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for giving into nothing...I hate the fact that I would still take her back.....I hate the fact that she is happy in someone else's arms and bed....I hate the fact that if I wasn't a jealous loud mouth drunk that this may not be happening right now....I hate the fact that I really miss her...I hate detaching because it makes me seem out of sight and out of reach to her....And I hate the fact that I am so far awy right now....
I have never left anything undone. I am praised for doing the impossible, for fixing and doing things that everyone else thought was impossible. That is my life, it is what I do., every day for over 25 years. I am the go to person.
I am afraid to go out and really enjoy myself for fear of slipping into something I really don't want. I have great control over me, I have great control over what I can do and even things I do not yet know how to do.
