Girl, vent away because I don't know how you do it. Him sitting on his butt while you work to keep his home and family afloat while lives with some controlling wench all without saying alright H I have had enough...get your butt off the coach and get a job and either move back home or file for a D because I am ready to be with someone who REALLY loves me...not just saying but showing it.
Okay...I said it for you...do you feel loads better.
Love ya, you really are a saint!
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I reminded my daughter of a verse in the Bible about if you have iniquity in your heart, God does not hear you. I think it is in Proverbs. Then she said to me that if ALL of us sin each day then God does not hear us???? I said well, if someone deliberately and willfully sins then I think that is different but I am not sure........
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I reminded my daughter of a verse in the Bible about if you have iniquity in your heart, God does not hear you. I think it is in Proverbs. Then she said to me that if ALL of us sin each day then God does not hear us???? I said well, if someone deliberately and willfully sins then I think that is different but I am not sure........
MWG, There is a lot of inequity in the world period! I am quite sure God doesn't listen to those people. Remember this, God did create us with the ability to choose, choose between him and Satan and choose to do right or wrong.
I think the thing that gripes me so much is I am over here working my butt off trying to make ends meet on mine and the kids end, take care of the house and them, make sure they are fed, etc. and H just sits over there all day, his car sits and it is like this day in and day out.
You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. You keep working your butt off to be successful while H does nothing and you can build a lot of resentment between you and H. BTDT. My H even told me he thought he should just get out of my way. I said why don't you get involved and help!
Be careful that you don't portray that you want him just for his car or to pay bills. IMO you should swing one way to ask and get him to help and be a part of the life of you and the kids or go total opposite and let him taste what it is like without any of you at all. Tough love, he doesn't get to wander in and out as he pleases with you or ow.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
No, he knows we don't just want him for his car and for paying bills. He helps us out when the car breaks down by taking us to/from work, etc. I even put gas in his car and bought him lunch for doing that.
To have him not come here so he gets a taste of what it is like without us--yeah but from a legal standpoint he has a right to come in anytime he wants as this is a community property state. But I hear ya!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Vent away MWG, we're all here in the same boat (or similar ones), and you have been very patient through all of this. If you didn't vent here, it would be unhealthy since you'd just keep it all in. Love ya!
had a one hour talk with my husband on the phone today.
it started out my telling him about my book selling stuff and then i cannot even remember how it came up but i asked him if he had entertained thoughts of moving home. he said he thinks about it BUT he does not know what he wants to do. says no matter what he does he does not want to hurt anyone but eventually he will hurt someone.
he said we will have to sit and discuss with me sometime.
i said to him, you do realize that you have already lost and then i said that maybe he needs to feel the effect of feeling that loss by not seeing any of us for a month or so and he said no, maybe he can go without seeing me but nobody can keep him away from his kids.
i told him that i have thought about what it is like being in his shoes how i could not face my kids or husband. he said he suffers ever day, does not understand why this happened, told me that i think he is controlled by the devil and i said no, that this entire situation is of the devil and then i asked how it is possible that he can be with someone who has totally different beliefs. he does not know but all he knows is that he is going to hurt someone.
anyhow, when all was said and done he was upbeat and said i guess i will talk to you later and i just hung up.
i was upset of course but he thinks God still forgives him for everything and i said how could you think that when you willfully do what you do.
amazing..............but i told him that i am not going to interfere or do anything, that God is in control.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Wow, MWG your h seems so stuck, but I don't think in depression he is ready for any of those type of convos. He needs to get a job, let alone figure out where he is going to live in the future.
Are you planning on doing anything different with your contact with your h? What are your thoughts on forgiveness from God?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
He is stuck because he wants to be. He is using he does not want to hurt anyone as another excuse. Someone is feeding him stuff that says he has to be very careful around me because I could call the police or use legal force on him. Three years ago I called the police because he pushed me around. he was never like this prior to the A. He says God never speaks to him or answers prayer. He says I think he is controlled by the devil. He says God allowed this to happen. I said HE allowed it because he chose to do what he is doing.
What am I going to do--I am going to pretend like he does not exist.
Notice he comes over when I do not have a car so that means I have to be here when he is here. I will have to stay locked up in my bedroom and that could mean 4-5 hours!!! I hate that.
I think he is being stubborn and chooses NOT to listen to God. He says that since he is saved God forgives him. He knows I have forgiven him BUT I did say that I do not understand how he thinks it is okay when he willfully choose to go against God's plan form marriage on a daily basis.
THis is what I am thinking right now.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
