as is typical I've got some things on my mind that need to get out and h just isn't a person to listen.
I know that I start to see the negatives after a negative interaction and it just spirals from there....me trying to be heard...not feeling heard...feeling shut out...belittled...and all those other negative feelings...then I start to look at the whole pic as basically neg and feel like a sell out...living someone else's life.
here's the start....
things seemed to be going well...heck h even bought me flowers again...a sign of the man I knew so very long ago...our friends came over for the evening and it was nice...we bbq'd and hung out...the kids love them and they the kids...the kids went to bed...it got chilly so we came inside and played some board games at the request of the w...the first game was jenga and I lost...I don't mind to me it's all fun...we then played a football trivia game...the w's were to get novice questions only...after realizing that I knew nothing I volunteered to sit out and read the questions for the rest of the game...the w is extremely competitive and a stickler for rules (yes it was within the rules for her to receive novice questions)...of course the guys being asked the "actual" questions they land on and the w always answering a "novice" question...inevitably she won and of course wanted a cheering section...sorry that the guys didn't feel like giving her too much kudos for knowing some of the answers to the novice questions...so I suppose the tension started there...at any rate...I went up to get cheese and crackers and returned to a discussion about our horseshoe pits and the fact that they are not "tournament" style and that impairs her game...that it gives the other players and unfair advantage because the stakes are not boxed off...I didn't see what the big deal was and figured heck it gives everyone an advantage and besides it's a back yard game meant for FUN...she didn't see it as being fair and made the statement that she never hits the box? I questioned her never hitting the box....she turnes to her h and says "I'm being called a liar", I simply said "are you saying that you never hit the box? if so then kudos to you" with that she storms out of my house and her h follows.
I thought this whole scene to be absolutley ridiculous...I tried talking with h about it but got no where and felt almost as if he was blaming me for it. I then decided to write an email of appology. I received and e-mail back from her h today...admitting that to leave like that was wrong but he also defended her leaving that way (so that things wouldn't get out of hand? gee why not try being an adult and saying something like let's just drop this or it's just a game or cripes laugh at the fact that we weren't even playing horseshoes then so why argue about it?)...and although he claimed to understand where I was comming from seemed to take the stance that I WAS the one to take it to far for questioning her. ( I should know better than to question her...one should not question her...it makes her feel like her integrity is being questioned...for christ sake all I said is you never hit the box? what the hell is the big deal?)
I tried to talk with h about it and he was insensitive and well frankly just made me feel like either it was my fault and/or I should just shut up about the whole thing.
day goes on....bil and sil come over soon followed by mil and fil we bbq for them and after eating I am overhearing a convo about fil using sil's ticket to go to next game...then during their discussion realize that bil isn't using his ticket (wich is seat with h) so fil will use that ticket and sil will have her dad find someone to use hers.
why does this bother me? because let's see according to my h football "is just the guys". gee I didn't notice that bil's w was a guy?
not to mention the fact that I am not told when the games are unless of course I over hear planning for it...h had not yet mentioned going to this game..it will be wed night...another 2am arival at home I assume...when was he planning to let me know?
then let's see...bil was installing some new software on the puter wich led to talk of the current modem I use wich h plans to get rid of...h called one day a few weeks ago and informed me that we'd be switching from cable to direct tv...it's nice that h can just tell me...oh btw we're getting the driveway paved in a couple weeks...oh I'm going out to look at big screen tv's...oh I'm switching us to satelite tv...this fall I'd like to get a shed.
uhm hello? this fall h will get a shed, a big screen tv, direct tv (so HE can have nfl ticket), and pave the driveway (ok so I want that one too)
since we moved in 3 years ago I have wanted a kitchen island and have to wait, I would like a piece of furniture for this room perhaps a nice chaise to sit and read...can I just say oh btw I saw this and it's being delivered next week? certainly not...I ask...am told in a few years..eventually....
I feel like a friggen child.
the "disscussions" we had today were never resolved..infact the discussion about the "friends" I walked away and cried..h brought dd for a new diaper and saw me crying...his response "I can't believe you are crying over this" (no guests were here for any of our discussions)
anyway....mil and sil left....bil finnished with puter and he and fil left...h showered with the kids...I put dd to bed (she's sleeping in a big bed now) and then watched the end of mulan with son and put him off to bed. h has been downstairs watching baseball all night....and wouldn't ya know just as I typed those words he makes a cameo..."are you watching anything? there's only one more inning left then I should be comming up, I actually fell asleep for a while"
h's way of doing things....pretend it never happend and move on.
I know this way doesn't work...it is the way he did things in the past...unless of course they were of any significance to him...like say I said something he didn't like to his mother (wich basically was doing nothing more than defending MYSELF). but our stuff...he just let's go...heck he probably wouldn't have even moved out last year had I not three nights after he told me he didn't want to be my h anymore ask him if he had anything to say.(and no I didn't have db then)
