This isn't what you wanted, but it takes two to make a marriage. I'm glad you are seeing a C so that you can sort through your feelings on this. I know when there are really painful things, it is easy to just try to forget them rather than deal with them. A counselor will allow you to get them out, rather then under the carpet.
I'm afraid it sounds like your H just wants to have everything in place for whatever he may want. You can't live that way. Him, having a baby with the OW would make it very hard for you to repair things (not that it isn't possible). He wouldn't be able to go NC. If I hadn't cut all contact, I'm not sure I'd be able to have feelings for my H again. It really is like a drug.
Again, I will never advocate divorce, but your situation is different than most. I know a few couples, personally, that remarried after divorcing. They both said that they had to go through what they did to realize what they wanted/needed to do.
There is a plan for you. Pray about this, and ask for God to show you the way. Whatever way that is, is the right one.
