While it is fine to recognize the issues you had, and how WONDERFUL you are and how you have tackled those issues; do NOT let yourself place all the blame on you! It was not all your fault! And he had a choice in how to handle things.
So just keep working on you. Keep focusing on you!
Keep loving you!
(((Ali)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hey Michelle, Rob! Thanks for reading everything and for your belief in me!! As always. I do use this site to 'process' my feelings of guilt. I know it was his choice to NOT handle our R well and walk out with NO discussion. I had no idea he was that unhappy. I can see where I went wrong and I would NO WAY behave like that in an R again, so I have really learnt valuable lessons (has he I wonder??).
Rob when you said... "I understand your frustration w/knowing xBF is struggling and you are feeling helpless to help him. He's drowning and you want desperately to reach in and help him out of the water."
I'm not sure I do anymore! I give up really. I am here and he knows that (I hope !?) all I really want is for him to have an epiphany, come back, tell me he made a mistake and ML to me, lol! (as long as he comes back via the GUI clinic of course, as Helen sounds like she may be one afflicted with pestilence ).
Theres not much more I can do. I think I was the bigger person, I changed what I thought needed changing (naturally happened) I think I made sure "the way home is paved and smooth" as the DB/DR stuff says?
So he will get his pressie delivered today I think. His stars today are very apt for Leo's!:
Mistakes have been made but all is not lost. It depends how much you can forgive others for what has happened and put the past behind you. Live in the present and accept the gifts offered now.
...although, he could be in a mode of fixing his R with her. My intuition tells me all was not well over Christmas week with them, on that horrendous holiday with his brother.
...still in a resigned mood. The past 3 weeks have been a bit of a mini rollecoaster for me.. to get a long phonecall from him (sounding sweet) and the pressie.. then to hear he talked about me in Tenerife, which was just over a month ago.. and said stuff about being confused and not knowing what to do.. and then his BMF here telling me he sounds miserable and is not happy and is sure he will dump ow any day now...
and the reality is.. he feels gone. I feel like I have nearly lost my psychic connection with him. I cant explain it rationally, but I felt something 'pop' NYEve, like the connection is not quite gone, but faded, fuzzed up...it feels and sounds in my mind like that scene in Apollo 13 when the shuttle heads behind the moon and Houston loses contact for a while.. and theres just fuzzy interference, they cant quite hear them anymore...
I hadnt had that at any point last year, but I did have it last Christmas, when he ignored my NYEve text and then wasnt in contact until I saw him 26th January, the day he moved out. This year, on 26th Jan, he is moving out of his flat into a shared house..and its a solar eclipse in Aquarius!
The last time a solar eclipse fell in that part of our chart was 13 Feb 1999...the day we officially got together! Its said that whatever started then, will end now, with an eclipse falling in the same sector. Except this eclipse falls direct on my Venus and his Jupiter exact hit. Thats once in a lifetime! I dont know what to expect!
Hi girls! My sister is here for the weekend, so we went to town for coffee and met Cher and shopped and had beers too, so that was nice! We are all out for dinner later.
Cher and I are due to go to band night this week, but her fiance, my ex's BMF said he wants to go alone, as my ex had called him and wants to meet with him for a chat and to have a talk with him about things...! (BMF didnt know I was invited). Cher was not happy, as she wanted to go with me.. so thinks we should still.. Helen would NOT be there, Thursday night is when my ex sees male friends and doesnt see her, I worked out, plus Cher and BMF want nothing to do with her. Anyway, his 'talk' might be nothing to do with me and him, but this BMF is, of all his mates, the most emotionally open and mature and was a BIG advocate all year of me and of me and him reuniting and of my ex talking to me and breaking the limbo.
But yeah, quiet..I'm a bit sick of the sound of my own voice waffling on here! I was feeling a bit down too, with the NC stretching out now into several weeks, it makes me sad..but what can I do? Its been 14 months...
Good to hear that you are having a visit with your sister. Hope that you have/had a wonderful dinner.
About band night, probably not a good idea to just show up if your ex is going to be there. It could stop him from talking openly to his BMF and that might not be a good thing especially if BMF is your advocate. Stay distant and give him the space to work through his issues without feeling indirectly pressured by your presence. Make sense?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks for posting recently. 14 months - it's been 20 for me - a nightmare that seems all mushed together.
I was wondering if you have any insights into the stars this month. I know you've talked about a January eclipse, and with the full moon tonight......... Looks like the sh*t is about to hit the fan in my neck of the woods.
My H is Cancer and I'm Scorpio. The OW is June 21 - Cancer/Gemini? - is that why she's crazy?!
Stay dark on the ole' BF. He needs to feel you've moved on. That's what they keep telling me anyway!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Hey Mish.. well, I didnt want to go because of him.. I was looking forward to going to band night with Chantelle!!! We had it arranged for 2 weeks and she is annoyed her fiance and my ex are muscling in on our night out!! Funny really, but I do live in an area of low population. Still, there are lots of other nice pubs to go to!! I am curious as to what he needs a private chat about, it must be emotional, else he would have been happy to meet BMF and Cher together (as he did last time at Band night, just before Christmas).
I agree though, with you and SilverFox, best to leave him to arrive at his own conclusions.
Hey SilverFox.. well, it IS a full moon in Cancer tonight, linked to Uranus, so crazy, unexpexted revelations of an emotional nature... and if anything comes to light (as in 'illuminated' by the full moon) that 'seems' shocking, or bad, it isnt in the long run and rest assured this is information that you NEEDED to know.
Cancerians can be moody, thats for sure.. and very very pet orientated, the calssic, nurturing mother earth type and often that 'mothtering' often gets directed to.. yep.. cats!!! Cats are linked to moon types (think of witches, full moon magic all that stuff).
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