For me, when I drop the rope, my instincts scream that I'm hurting my husband. When I stop trying to improve our relationship, I feel as though I'm saying to him, I give up, I quit, you aren't worth fighting for.
He on the other hand hears, "I love you, I trust you and I think we are doing great."
Sigh.
But I do find that I feel better and more in control after dropping the rope.
Quote: My Stupid Mouth john Mayer (room for squares)
my stupid mouth has got me in trouble I said too much again to a date over dinner yesterday and I could see she was offended she said "well anyway" just dying for a subject change
oh, another social casualty score one more for me how could I forget mama said "think before speaking" no filter in my head oh, what's a boy to do? I guess he better find one soon
we bit our lips she looked out the window rolling tiny balls of napkin paper I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker and I could see clearly an indelible line was drawn between what was good, what just slipped out and what went wrong
oh, another social casualty score one more for me how could I forget mama said "think before speaking" No filter in my head oh, what's a boy to do? I guess he better find one soon
I'm never speaking up again it only hurts me I'd rather be a mystery than she desert me oh, I'm never speaking up again starting now
one more thing why is it my fault? so maybe I try too hard but it's all because of this desire I just want to be liked; I just want to be funny look like the joke's on me so call me Captain Backfire
oh, another social casualty score one more for me how could I forget mama said "think before speaking" no filter in my head oh, what's a boy to do? I guess he better find one soon
I'm never speaking up again it only hurts me I'd rather be a mystery than she desert me oh, I'm never speaking up again I'm never speaking up again I'm never speaking up again starting now
starting now. I especially like the part of the song where he says starting now pauses for a bit and then all of a sudden One more thing...SO ME!
no relevance to anything with this song other than I like it and I need to practice more "think before speaking". What seems to happen is that I keep quiet about things but don't actually just let them go...I seem to hold them somewhere til they pile up and then I do speak up...thing is, typically the response to that particular incident reaps the pile up of all the other times I kept my mouth shut. Now I don't actually sit and bring up the times that I kept my mouth shut but the fire is fueled by them....no fair I know...I'm working on it.
Who knows? In the "DB" perspective, though, it matters not!!
Maybe just "solution journal" this one, and take a close look at everything you specifically have been doing lately with your actions.
Don't discount it as "luck", my dear. I have a strong hunch that some of what you've been doing lately has helped to bring this change about!
Keep on keepin' on!! Roll with these changes!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
h called today and said he'd be home early...just wants to get out of there...
also said he's thinking of taking next fri off...and mentioned maybe going up north (to vacation part of the state) for sat...
I won't hold it against him that he failed to recall that sat is dd's birthday party...I'll just look at the fact that he thought of doing something with us.
Hey LL, I think I'd better stay out of the Smooch thread because it just makes me angry for about 5 different reasons.
I'm going to have to have to stop by my mom's house on the way home and ask if she thought of my step-father as a whore that she had no respect for during the seven years they were "shacked up" before they got married.
Then I'll call my step-mom and ask her why the heck she bought daddy-bull after 23 years of renting. I mean, dang woman, why buy the bull when you can get the stud for free???? OMG, I'm laughing too hard and my assistant is looking at me strangly...gotta go!
Quote: Hey LL, I think I'd better stay out of the Smooch thread because it just makes me angry for about 5 different reasons.
I totally hear ya! I have nothing against waw's posting...I in some way can understand their plea. I will admit to being partially responsible for "chasing" awalkawaywife and ali (two previos waw posters) off the board simply by posting non harsh realities and asking direct real life questions of them. this smoochie sounds like a little girl if ya ask me. I'm not going to waist my time with her anymore she makes no sense at all...she thinks she does but she's just talking in circles.
btw I read what you and h did to ow....I LOVED IT!!!! wish that my h could have participated in my making ow feel like crap...but it was fun enough for me to make her cry without his help.
took practical exam today for emt class (aced it ) tonight we'll celebrate...couldn't find a sitter so the couple we were going to go out with are going to come over...bought some steak tips, corn on the cob and am boiling some potatoes for p.salad.
when h left this am he said "good luck", he even took a few min last night away from football to go over some of the stuff with me , and upon first hearing from me this afternoon asked how I did.
so what am I doing?
once again treating h as a "friend" ok a bit more than a friend...but giving him the same courtesies and lee ways I'd give a friend....not personalizing "stuff", having my own life and being ok with it.
emt class will soon be comming to an end...I'll still have training sessions with my own company but not the intense sched I've had lately....looking forward to some time off...getting back to the book club that I started last summer...have talked with some of the members about starting a movie club as well.
so things are still going well round here...did any of you really doubt it? just another case of LL's up and down swings...could be h could be me...I'll do my best to stay consistant and track how much of the down times are related to my own "stuff" as apposed to h just pulling away.
) tonight we'll celebrate...couldn't find a sitter so the couple we were going to go out with are going to come over...bought some steak tips, corn on the cob and am boiling some potatoes for p.salad.