Back on the rocks

[heatherg]

I was wondering about him having an addictive personality. Does he know this about himself?

Yes, I believe he knows.

I wonder if the addiction could be transfered to something healthier. Like maybe spending more time with you? Or some type of hobby....

Yes, but that would be up to him to decide.

I think it's 100% normal for a guy to look at porn,

This seems to be the way of thinking for the majority, but the feminist in me gets really irritated at this. Why do we excuse behavior in the name of being a 'man', kwim? On the other hand, if this really is some biological necessity, to fight it would be futile. But really, a biological necessity? I'm just not sure about that.

I don't know. I look at porn myself occasionally, it's not a huge deal. And I can certainly vouch for the fact that it doesn't make me love my H any less or mean that I don't find him attractive. But. If he said it hurt him that I did it, I wouldn't do it. Simply because it isn't that big of a deal. Ultimately, I think that's what bothers me about it. I've done a lot of thinking about this and I think that when he decided it was ok to look at porn outside of doing it with me....he failed to mention that to me. So here I was all this time, thinking it would hurt him deeply to even know I fantasized about anyone else. So I never did.
Now that I know it's apparently ok with him, as I explore what I like more, I'm threatened less by what he's doing. But he missed the opportunity to develop that bond with me, to explore it together. And he told me that he was not going to stop looking at pictures of naked women, that it was not what I was making it out to be. And that he was prepared to accept the consequences. Ok.....doesn't that go beyond the realm of something that isn't a big deal? To theoretically be willing to give up your marriage and your family....I mean, ultimately if I couldn't deal with it, that would be the price, the "consequences" wouldn't it? So, he's prepared for that? WTH??
I may be able to get perfectly comfortable with the idea of him looking at pictures of naked women. But you know, I don't think I'll ever be able to be comfortable with him telling me he's willing to give me up over it.