Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you so much, trapt, for your warm encouragement! It means a LOT to me! Really!! ((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))

H and I rode home together tonight because he is helping me with moving my computer to my new apartment, which I get to start moving into tomorrow night after work. The cable guy is supposed to be there to hook up my computer and TV so I will only be without the computer for 1 night.

Anyway, H and I talked on the way, mostly about S17. He is very supportive of pursuing treatment for S17 for depression and doing anything he can to help that along. We talked about how we both could do more positive reinforcement with S17. H said that he would not have S17 do projects unless they were doing them together. And we both are going to try to do fun things with S. So, I really feel that we are on the same page and headed in the right direction there.

I also re-iterated to H the things I said in the e-mail and told him that I was here for him and wanted him to be happy, even if that turns out to be without me. I told him that through this sitch, I have learned that I am strong, and that my love for him was not based on familiarity or fear of being alone, but it was real and deep because I know the good man that is inside him and I will love that man until the day I die. But that I was OK, and even happy with me, and sincerely wanted him to be happy. And that I support him on his journey, and am here for him if he needs me, and to not be afraid of giving me expectations, because my love for him was uncondtional.

He listened to everything and took it in, but didn't say a anything really, which doesn't surprise me. So, I am feeling pretty good right now. I have been true to myself and told him of my feelings, but I have let him go with love. I did get a little teary, but not too much. And I gave him a hug when we got out of the car.

Oh, H also talked about financial plans and renting the house(s) out. I asked him what then. He said then he hoped to have time to think. I asked if he had plans to file for D, and he said he wasn't even thinking of that. He just wanted to get the finances fixed from "this major fu** up" and then try to think clearly.

So, on with my life and doing my best to make a happy 2009!