Anyone have an MLC'er Living At Home?

[ThinkingItThru]

Actually communication has always been an issue in our marriage but it didn't bother me because there were no issues or the good was better than the bad. But what a lack of communication has done to us has caused a couple of problems:

First, I'm sure that I do things that make him crazy in the past. Some of the first things pointed out by my C months ago was my controlling nature and the fact that I try to help with "advice" all the time. I know after reading about MLC that we would be going through this regardless, but I would have liked to have known that my natural personality traits bothered him for 20 years. Since I've started seeing the C and haven't been as managerial at home things have been much calmer.

Second, if this R were in a healthy state, I should be able to tell him when something bothers me. Like, "your relationship with x makes me feel jealous". Doesn't mean he will end the relationship, but now I feel like I can't even say what's on my mind without pushing him away. And there's a lot of stuff like that. I should be able to tell him that I would like his help with getting out of debt without worrying about whether its going to have some evil consequence.

That's what I mean about being in a healthy relationship and I know that's not what's going on with us right now. Maybe someday but I do think once our relationship recovers (and it will) we will need help to get to this point because in 20 years we've never really been commnicators.

Peace to you