Already on this one. Waiting for IC to schedule me in.
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Frank, stop with the blaming yourself. Enough is enough already. You did not choose any of this crap, yes, you made some mistakes. But.... Not one of those mistakes justifies her actions. So pick it up and forget that nonsense.
Not only that, but let's be serious. How many men exist who would give her the leeway I have given her? Most would be the 'kick her to the curb' type a long long time ago.
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Get a lawyer to review the papers just as we spoke about previously. They can answer all of your questions. I also don't know California law, but here you can write in that joint custody is fine as long as each parent has equivalent bedrooms to children. In other words it would tell her that she needs to get a 2 bdr place so your daughter has her own room with her mom. That is not to be mean or hurtful, it is for the best for your D13. Splitting time between homes sucks enough, not having your own space in each parents home can be detrimental.
Here's the issue though. If I DO that she MIGHT feel like she has to push for spousal or child support to get the $$$ to afford such a place. Right now it's pretty clear she just 'want's out' and is ignorant.
Not worried about college. I'll work it out with D17.99
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Bottom line here Frank, while you look at this with anger, I am trying to see it as a big step in helping you let go and keep your focus where it needs to be. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and believe me when I tell you that I am sorry that it had to come to this. However, let's try something new here, right off the bat. I would like to see Frank find the silver lining and see how this could possibly help him... In fact, I challenge you to try.........
Thanks Ian. I assure all of you I am NOT feeling defeated. Instead I am feeling like a man who gave his best, and when his best wasn't what SHE expected she bailed yet has expected me to fix it all. No, I don't think so. I believe that her lesson is to realize that she is either in or out of a relationship. If she's 'in' she has to be all the way in.
As I have said over and over, I will NOT hurt her financially. However I will not take on all the debt just because I feel guilty. If I do take on all the debt, she will have to concede certain things to me. That would be the right thing to do. And I am a good, decent and moral man.
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I love ya buddy, and you know how to get me if you need to talk...
Ian
It's statements like this that make me cry. Up till now I've had one friend who would say this. Now I have many. Thank you so much.
Not only that, but let's be serious. How many men exist who would give her the leeway I have given her? Most would be the 'kick her to the curb' type a long long time ago.
Now that's what I'm talking about buddy. That's exactly right and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You stood for your marriage like a champ, no regrets.
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Here's the issue though. If I DO that she MIGHT feel like she has to push for spousal or child support to get the $$$ to afford such a place. Right now it's pretty clear she just 'want's out' and is ignorant.
I am not trying to be a dick here or anything Frank, but....
Can she really afford to "fight" you for anything?
AND....
She doesn't have to know that a lawyer reviewed it, it's just to cover your own asss. Your not an attorney, you have no idea how "straight forward" this divorce will be.
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It's statements like this that make me cry. Up till now I've had one friend who would say this. Now I have many. Thank you so much.
You know Frank, it is possible to be an alpha male and still express feelings.....
Here's the issue though. If I DO that she MIGHT feel like she has to push for spousal or child support to get the $$$ to afford such a place. Right now it's pretty clear she just 'want's out' and is ignorant.
It is a balancing act. You probably will need to walk on egg shells a bit to get it over with. A lawyer can give you advice as to how to proceed with the least amount of risk. You do have to put the safety and well being of your D13 at the top of the list.
My coworker was telling me he thought my best strategy was to use Sun Tzu's Art of War. Getting the STBXW pissed would cause her to make mistakes. I told this to my lawyer and he offered to have my coworker come down for free and explain to him why his "Sun Tzu" divorce idea would fail. He told me to explain to my coworker that there are quite a few little and delicate details going on during the divorce and the last thing you want to do is get in a pissing contest.
