I've probably let my situation go on a lot longer than I should have because I to see my wife a a human being with a number of problems. And I've not been a great husband. She stuck with me through some pretty bad times, and I do feel an obligation to do the same.
I just don't know about the coming back after leaving. There is no doubt in my mind my wife will leave if I demand an end to the EA. The questions I ask is, will she come back when she sees the reality of her situation, and if so, would I want her back.
Reading about your husbands "friend", I don't think he'll ever come around with her in the picture. So back to the original question I guess. Do you try to outlast the OP or demand an end to it or that our spouses leave? I keep waffling back and forth. I know I will be crushed if my wife leaves, and I know she will if I push her. At the same time, it hurts me more and more by the day to live like this. I'm trying to develop a middle ground, not a true ultimatum, and see where that leads. Something like if you are unwilling to end your affair, there is no hope for us and maybe you should consider leaving as I've begun to plan my new life without you.
To answer your question, my wife and I are friendly, no fights. We live in the same house but different bedrooms. We do quite a bit as a family, but nothing as a couple. It has been very awkward when we've tried, which really freaks her out. No affection, closeness or touching. Haven't heard "I love you" since the OM showed up. As a matter of fact, she just says she never loved me and I just don't do it for her. Ouch!
Happy to write. It helps to talk about all this. So are you ready to move forward without him? Has he made ANY effort to come back to you? I think I'm closer than I used to be. It would take way to long to explain, but the end of January is when I'm going to bring this up with her again. She asked me if I wanted to start MC again, and said she was going to start IC to try to sort out her feelings and issues. She took the last half of the month of work to work on this. If it happens, that's good, but I'm not holding my breath. I think we'll end up having that talk. BTW, she thinks I don't know about the ongoing EA. Bringing that up will be a bomb to her.
Keep posting and talking to your friends. It helps a great deal. Have you read DR? I read and reread it as there are points that make so much sense, and I need to keep seeing them when I feel bad.
