Thank you sooooo much. I will send the text tomorrow to meet on Monday I think, that gives me a bit of reflection time and no harm in taking the weekend as he makes me wait months!!!
I have arranged my own valuation on Sat for my own peace of mind. I have been thinking a lot today and giving myself breaks from thinking and have come to the conclusion that while I am cross that the price has gone down I cannot blame h too much for the state of the economy/ market. I suppose I could have made moves to sell last year but I wanted to give him the time and space. I gave him this as real giving and, although he didn't spend the time as I wished, I would have left this marriage with regrets had I not done so and living without regret is worth way more than money.
I was thinking today also that actually, although leaving this house will be hugely hard and difficult and upsetting and rocks my core, it will also release me from a certain torture it also inflicts on me on the lack of transport and amenities and also from the memories and loneliness it brings. Hanging onto the house by renting it in the hope the market picks up will just stem my hope for my marriage and for him and also I run the risk that the market will go down further - at least this way I break even. I don't think the house has any impact on him really; it is more my thing so if we are destined to get back together I doubt we would want to stay living here so I have to let it go - a huge thing for me.
The thing I have chosen to forgive h for is being a big DAM in the insensitivity stakes (the tone of the email was soooo unbelievably insensitive although very nice and jolly!!) and his slightly naive belief on what the estate agents said. He does not realise the agents are out for their own gain which is to sell our house as quickly as possible so they get their commission. In this market they don't care whether they get an extra �10,000 on the house, they just want any sale. When we decide on an agent I will make sure that we meet them together. I do not want to undermine h as this is what I used to do - not think him capable so I will handle it very carefully on Monday and when we meet the agents but I *will* look after myself.
I have accepted a long time ago that I don't really know what has gone on with h and why he has done what he has done and I am trying my hardest to let go of it but it reared its head again as I think somehow I had subconsciously hoped that he would change his mind over Christmas, clearly not so I have to be strong.
I will send the text tomorrow asking him to lunch on Monday and I will see what the agent says on Saturday. Depending on that I will put the house on the market. I have decided to use the time I have left here to get my driving licence so I can feel that I will have achieved something in the last few months here and hopefully learn where there are quieter roads and it is cheaper - London would be awful!! I hope that it will be something else to focus on while I am selling this... so there is going to be a HUGE party here when I pass my test. It has taken 10 years to build up the courage to do this
I could not do this without all your help and support here do you think that sounds good or have I been brooding/ thinking too much?
