Glad your doing well, I will keep on doing what works and adjusting as I go along. I gotta avoid the roller coaster. The hard part of all of this is the fact she has ADHD on top of everything else. She can't keep focus. so that increases the roller coaster.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
With regards to the moving on thing. The suggestion was given to me about how to respond when she asks why I don't date. : " I am not in a position to be a good partner right now, I have to work on some stuff .....eventually."
Backing off may be a good Idea if he is saying that you are pushing him. Live your life and let him come to you.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I too have struggled recently with the subject of "dating". I think it is a very personal choice, and there is no right or wrong answer.
My H has encouraged me to date too, and I know it's to salve his own conscience. I have pretty much decided that I will move along each day and make it as happy as I can and trust that what is meant to be, will be. That means that I still love my H with all my heart and hope that he finds his way home. However, I am not putting my life on hold, but then neither am I looking for another relationship. I am concentrating on me and my S17, and if someone comes along that really feels right to me, then I would slowly explore the possibilities.
Even my C says that spending time with other people is very good for self growth and esteem, and therefore very healthy both for you and your future relationship(s) whether that be with your spouse or someone else.
I guess it's all in how you approach it. You definitely want to be careful about getting involved in something without having dealt with all the fallout from your sitch. But, healthy interaction and friendships with others is not, IMHO, something you need to deny yourself.
Take care!!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Jeff, I agree with Trapt.Don't date, and I will go a step further. You are still married.I know it is hard to be lonely, but don't think that dating will solve anything. Take this time to find out about you.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Jeff, If you really and truly want to try to reconcile w/your wife, do not, I repeat, do not date. If you do, you are not only involing your wife in your situation, but then a third person comes into the picture and once your wife wakes up...how are you going to deal with the third person that you, the rational one, brought in?
If you are divorcing and do not want to reconcile, that is a whole different ball of wax. Dating is freeing your spouse of any guilt that she may have about what she's doing. You are giving her the single that it's a-okay to date and you are going to do it too.
Standing for your marriage is very difficult at this time, but if you really want to try to save the marriage, please stay away from third parties and until you are absolutely certain the two of you will not reconcile....but divorce.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am looking at the start dates on the situations of those of you who are asking about dating, and only one thing comes to my mind here.
WTF??????
You guys have been at this not even a full year. Your WAS are obviously confused and lost right? It does not give anyone the justification for finding someone else or dating. You still have an obligation, not to your spouse, to yourself to maintain the commitment that you made and not make the same poor judgment that your spouse did that has led you here and devistated your life.
Let me throw this out there. Let's say you did go "date", and let's say 6 months from now your spouse comes out of their fog and it truly was MLC,how exactly are you gonna justify that you gave up on them and strayed?
You come here to try and save your marriage, if that is what you wish to do then stand for it until such time that you don't have to ask yourself if it's the right thing to do or not. Simple as that.
