I do hate to see his career shot down but I am not the one who has done this.
I have prayed and prayed for God to guide me on this. Some days I know fully it is the right thing to do and other days I still am trying to "protect my H" . Do you think it is the right thing to do from a man's perspective?
Hope protecting him is not helping him, its enabling him. Is there any chance that since he has been there so long that they would only reprimand him instead of firing him? Realistically, they both knew what the consequences would be if they were found out and proceeded anyway. Life is about choices and sometimes the choices you make bite you in the butt.
This is not a mans perspective, but from a woman whose H has an addiction that is out of control and an OW that participates in the addiction with him. Expose him and let the chips fall where they may. I believe like Puppy, God will provide for those that have faith in him.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
From a BUSINESSman's perspective, if your Company has a policy specifically against this, and you know about it and don't report it, I think that ALONE would make it "the right thing to do" to expose it to human resources. If not, you yourself could be held partially accountable, as you've pointed out already.
I also think it's MORALLY the right thing to do, and I also believe it WORKS.
But it's far from a unanimous opinion -- I'd put the whole "confront-and-expose" vs. "Little Bo-Peep Approach" at about 35/65, if I had to put a number on it. There are dozens of books and tens of thousands of marriages saved by the more aggressive concepts, but they are still in the minority.
SS your right it is not a man's perspective. I go onto the MB site too and they are all about imploding the A no matter what.
In my job I take a strong stand but in my M, I keep still seeking approval from my H and even "feeling sorry for him". I am still looking for my very ethical by the rules H but he is gone and replaced by a cheating, lying alien. Why would I want to protect him?
I am not ready to drop the rope and in the end I want my M to be reconciled.
Morally it is the right thing to do and I will do it. I actually walked over to see our PM on Monday and he had already left for the day. By the time I got to his office, I was in near anxiety attack.
I know God will protect me, and my family. I think this is one of the most difficult choices I have ever made. Please pray for our family.
God bless.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
BUT, my two cents on this one is: their activities place the company's interests at jeopardy. If things go sour between H and OW and she decides to sue for sexual harassment, that opens a HUGE can of worms for the company.
Most corporations take a very dim view on this type of "fraternization". I would report just to protect myself if I were you. Like Puppy says, it is the "right thing" in this case, ESPECIALLY since she is a direct report.
I know what is right but I find that I second and third guess myself. If this was about anyone else but my H I would have turned them in months ago, that is why it is the right thing to do.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I know what is right but I find that I second and third guess myself. If this was about anyone else but my H I would have turned them in months ago, that is why it is the right thing to do.
I TOTALLY understand the second, third, etc... guessing yourself. I also get that it would be easier if it was not the person you are M to, you wouldn't be emotionally invested. Like my signature says, you don't to the right thing because its easy, you do it because its the right thing to do. Usually the right thing is the hardest thing. My heart goes out to you. I'm praying for you, no matter what you choose.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Silverado, thanks for your support. It is amazing that these waywards are not accountable and we have to step in because we are blocked against a wall
S@S, I remember reading your quote and not sure which poster had it, amazing you stopped by because it stuck with me in making this decision. God does work in mysterious ways.
I did go in at the end of the day. PM was shocked first that we had seperated (told no one at work - so how much of an enabler was I with this A), and then told him that H was having A with direct report. We had a long talk and he can't get back to me for a couple of days since he will be on the road. It is in God's hands.
I have to believe in the end that I am saving him. He looks terrible. Please pray for us.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hi everyone, stayed home today. Needed to just take the time and reflect and pray. Weekend is here and will spend the time finishing putting the Christmas decorations away and make some good time for D15. I do not want D15 to get lost in all of this. Have to stay focused on what is best for her. Hope everyone else is well.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
((((((Hope)))))), I'm so proud of you for being able to make a stand. You definitely put between a rock and a hard spot. I know that was so very hard for you. Hopefully, this will rock both of their worlds.
Will the PM reveal his source of how he knows? Did you have any hard evidence to show him?
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
