With the 50/50 custody, I worry most on how your daughters are going to adjust with living in 2 homes. Does your W have a place where they can have their own rooms?
Get a parenting plan done first and then deal with the financials. I hope your STBXW has the best interest of the kids in her mind and is not wanting 50/50 for child support reasons.
In my case, the 50/50 parenting plan went together very well, and then the financials was a back and forth with the lawyers. I came out ok since we agreed to a buy-out of the spousal support which I was able to pay (including division of assets) with a refinance of my house.
With the 50/50 custody, I worry most on how your daughters are going to adjust with living in 2 homes. Does your W have a place where they can have their own rooms?
Nope, she rents a room from a friend.
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Get a parenting plan done first and then deal with the financials. I hope your STBXW has the best interest of the kids in her mind and is not wanting 50/50 for child support reasons.
She did not ask for any support of any type. I believe she is just asking for the 50/50 so she won't lose it in the future. Since our oldest daughter will be 18 in 3 weeks all that is at issue is our D13.
If she had the 'best interests of the kids' in her mind she wouldn't be doing this. However, under the circumstances she is not pushing to upset the status quo. She just wants to walk away with no conflict.
Our assets are negative so there's nothing to fight over but debt.
Our assets are negative so there's nothing to fight over but debt.
Is the value of the home such that it is less than the remaining principal?
You will also need to consider sharing college expenses for D18. Ours is written so that at the time of college, we share the expense based upon our respective incomes.
Dont feel bad about being angry now. It is much better than sadness, self pity and despair. The anger is all part of the road to recovery.
Is the value of the home such that it is less than the remaining principal?
Yep
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You will also need to consider sharing college expenses for D18. Ours is written so that at the time of college, we share the expense based upon our respective incomes.
Ha ha ha! That would mean she gives me $20 per semester.
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Dont feel bad about being angry now. It is much better than sadness, self pity and despair. The anger is all part of the road to recovery.
Yes, it's a mixture of anger and hurt but it is better than self pity and despair. I'm not going to be mean or attack her. I'm just not going to give her anything more than I feel like giving her.
The spousal support checkbox was left unchecked. Can she change that later?
I dont know about California, but in Oregon, once the divorce is final they cant come back later to have it changed (term or amount) if there is no spousal support. That is why I went with a buyout instead of monthly alimony payments - the final divorce judgement shows no spousal support. Now if she goes and gets married to OM68 in the coming months, I will have to choke down the reality of that $40G buyout being for naught.
You have that 6 month wait in California. She may realize during that time that she cant survive financially on her own and may decide to try for spousal support. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
BTW... One of my thread titles was "Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse".
Frank, stop with the blaming yourself. Enough is enough already. You did not choose any of this crap, yes, you made some mistakes. But.... Not one of those mistakes justifies her actions. So pick it up and forget that nonsense.
Get a lawyer to review the papers just as we spoke about previously. They can answer all of your questions. I also don't know California law, but here you can write in that joint custody is fine as long as each parent has equivalent bedrooms to children. In other words it would tell her that she needs to get a 2 bdr place so your daughter has her own room with her mom. That is not to be mean or hurtful, it is for the best for your D13. Splitting time between homes sucks enough, not having your own space in each parents home can be detrimental.
College here in Tennessee is an optional item. Because the child has a "choice" to attend college it is not required by the courts here to enter anything regarding college.
Bottom line here Frank, while you look at this with anger, I am trying to see it as a big step in helping you let go and keep your focus where it needs to be. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and believe me when I tell you that I am sorry that it had to come to this. However, let's try something new here, right off the bat. I would like to see Frank find the silver lining and see how this could possibly help him... In fact, I challenge you to try.........
I love ya buddy, and you know how to get me if you need to talk...
