But I gotta say, and its just an observation, you sound beat, suga. You DON'T sound mad or anything, but just....like you've been beat.
I'm tired. This has never been what I wanted, but its apparent that unless I do something, the situation will not change. What is the motivation to change if things work ok like they are? I feel I have done what I can do and now its time to move on. If my H chooses to make the changes neccessary to save our M, then so be it. If he chooses to continue his life as it is, then so be it, those are HIS choices. This is for and about me. I have a whole lot more living to do and I don't choose to spend what I time I have living like this. A 1/2 life to me is not acceptable anymore. My H is a cake eater and I am not willing to participate in a 3 person R anymore. So you are right H4H, I have been beat and accept my deafeat with grace and dignity.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
SIL love you girlie, and i totally understand what you feel like. I realize that my H has his two lives he chose colliding but I wont be part of a 3 people marriage either. and if he wont do the work, i sure as heck aint doing it anymore either. if we can get past this ruff patch, dont think we will after i confront him today, I am giving him til towards the end of march, and we will go to the marriage encounter weekend at church, or I am done.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Don't look at it as being defeated, babe. In the long run, your the winner.
I win part of myself back, but I also have to accept that there is a loss as well.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
No, your right. I'm just a little down and feeling sorry for myself. The hardest things to accept are the things that we don't want.
I'll snap out of it. I had a C appt. today, so that made it harder because all the "stuff" was talked about so its just a little fresh right now. I'm dealin' with it though.
Gonna go home and make some dinner and watch the OU spank Florida (hopefully). H is coming over because he wants to watch the game with DS, but no worries, I just want to watch the game.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
This isn't what you wanted, but it takes two to make a marriage. I'm glad you are seeing a C so that you can sort through your feelings on this. I know when there are really painful things, it is easy to just try to forget them rather than deal with them. A counselor will allow you to get them out, rather then under the carpet.
I'm afraid it sounds like your H just wants to have everything in place for whatever he may want. You can't live that way. Him, having a baby with the OW would make it very hard for you to repair things (not that it isn't possible). He wouldn't be able to go NC. If I hadn't cut all contact, I'm not sure I'd be able to have feelings for my H again. It really is like a drug.
Again, I will never advocate divorce, but your situation is different than most. I know a few couples, personally, that remarried after divorcing. They both said that they had to go through what they did to realize what they wanted/needed to do.
There is a plan for you. Pray about this, and ask for God to show you the way. Whatever way that is, is the right one.
I had a C appt. today, so that made it harder because all the "stuff" was talked about so its just a little fresh right now. I'm dealin' with it though.
I used to come out of there drained both physically and mentally. I always felt I had run a marathon after a session..but I also felt cleansed..
Today is a new day..one step in front of the other..
Hey Corey, all in all you sound pretty well though. That's a good thing and you're making a strong decision! Have as great of a weekend as you can make it to be!
