Quoting jethro: </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> but things just seemed to balance a tad better back then.
Why? for perhaps many reasons, some you've hit upon and others that we could sit and ponder but would we really get anywhere?
I don't know, but although I think my W's LL is "acts of service" (AOS), I'm not entirely sure that it used to be. Or...maybe it was, but we were not M'd, so who'd know since we didn't have a home together...a home that requires lots of work. exactly, plus there's always the fact that qt was any time you went to visit eachother, maybe it wasn't always spent doing what you wanted to do but credit was given for the time...now that they are expected to be there cause heck they live there it isn't (or doesn't seem) to meet the qt criteria unless it's actually qt. and actually that just isn't right is it...a light just went on in my mind...one of the very few people that h spoke to about ow during our seperation is a shared friend...in passing on the info about her what h is quoted as having said is "I can be myself around her" hmmmmmm? are we not letting our spouses be themselves around us...wanting and needing what we want and need? if we stop wanting and needing will they then have the desire they had for the op? hmmmmm? In a new R, is someone's LL AOS? AOS?? Perhaps it's buried under the surface, as that's certainly not the focus in a new R. But where does their focus on more of the physical aspects become lost? with the comfort, with knowing that their partner isn't going anywhere..ever notice that you can tell newley weds from couples that have been together for a while? there is a huge difference in the amount of pdas. Is it just the newness of everything that leads our Ses to provide more physical touch than they would otherwise? possibly or perhaps or maybe these are ld people...in ssm I recall something about the ld at first upon entering a r (or in our cases re entering) they seem like they are hd only to then return to their ld ways. Likely...
So then, how do we recapture what we had both when our R was new, and when our Ses first decided to "come home?" I, like you, am frustrated that my W is not exhibiting the same "intensity" as she was right after she chose to give us a second chance. It's gotta be in there! Perhaps it was the joy of having the tremendous relief of us not telling them to got to he!!. let me ask you this, do you still get a chill each and every time your w touches you? the same chill you got when w first touched you? do you still get that same feeling you did when w first decided she didn't want d and stopped seeing om? I'd tend to doubt it. so then how can we expect their "intensity" to stay there always...sure it comes and goes...same as our own feelings and reactions come and go.
Sorry for the rambling...I'm just trying to figure this junk out... noone should ever feel like they have to appologize for rambling to me the queen of rambling.
