LMAO...it is amusing because H wanted to separate the cell bills, and I was so panicked. This is the last joint bill we have, and although it's not like we talk about it, it was a connection. When I lost the phone, I panicked, thinking oh now he is going to really separate that bill.
And then I did something I could not have foreseen. I called him and told him I lost the phone, and since he wanted to take me off hte contract anyway, to just do it and I would get my own phone. And then I did.
I called H yesterday to give him the new number, debating about whether or not I was going to make him wait a few days and then remembered I had his immigration paperwork. He starts complaining that to cancel me off the contract it was going to cost him $200. And I am inwardly laughing a bit because he is complaining about the extra cost, and I am thinking this is what YOU wanted Bud. But, I did offer to pay half because I had, in fact, just purchased a new phone two months ago and he did pay for it and did not ask me for the money back.
I am not sure what has turned over in me, but all of a sudden, I feel really great. It's like this whole thing is not such a big deal anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love H, and I always will. But on the other hand, I realize that I am sick to death of always worrying about him, what to say, what to do, how to feel. I feel stronger than I have before, even after a total meltdown on Monday. One way or the other, I am going to get to the end of this, and honestly, I feel relieved!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
