Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, H replied to my e-mail about S17. He was pretty supportive of the possible depression issue, but still thinks we need to take away his computer, ps2.....H also said that he though his leaving would help with the power struggles he gets into with S17 (yep, he's justifying....). Anyway, I sent the following reply....

As for your leaving showing him there is no power to struggle over, I heartily disagree. You are his father and he loves you and therefore your relationship with him will always have a big influence on him. I understand your desire to justify your choices, and I believe you are sincerely trying to do the right thing for your happiness. However, you should understand very clearly that the kids and I do not agree with your choices, although we do want your happiness as well. The truth is that we have always taught our children about the importance of commitment and family, and leaving your family and wanting to "carry your own bucket" flies in the face of that. I'm sorry and I know that hurts you, and again, I really do know that you are sincerely trying to do what you think is right for you, but I just mean that you need to accept the fact that there is a glaring contradiction between your words and your actions, and while S17 loves you and wants your happiness, he is very much disappointed in your choices and feels he has lost the genuine respect that he once had for you. Those are his words, not mine.

Please know that I do not say any of this to make you feel guilty or score points off you in any way. I know that you are struggling within yourself and, indeed, I often wonder if deep down some of your desire to "carry your own bucket" is because you feel to much guilt already. I know you have always expected a lot from yourself, and with all the challenges we've had in our lives with D24 and all, I'm sure that, like me, you have often felt inadequate, and perhaps it's understandable that your "tank" now feels "empty". I know that that is "analyzing" you and that is not my role. I also know that you have to follow your own star and I love you enough to support you in doing that (although I may not like you right now). It's also true that I still believe that you are a good man and I am a good woman and we could build a happy life together if we both wanted to. And, in all honesty, I do hope that your journey leads you back home to me. However, having said all that, I sincerely am not sorry that you left because I have grown a lot in this time and I now know that I am strong and capable, and I do love you enough to let you go if that is your ultimate choice. I sincerely do want your happiness.

I also want you to know that I have talked a LOT with S17 lately and I feel that we are developing a real bond, and I am really looking forward to spending some good time with him during the next year. I will look forward to talking more about this with you. Be assured too that in my discussions with S17, I tell him often that you do love him very much and only want the best for him!

Take care.

So, 2x4's anyone?