Detach>Worse>Weird>Better ???

[Silver Fox]

Hi Sophie,

I felt/ and still do/ like I was rude for not seeing H to the door

No, no, no, no, no!! Snap out of it! He has to go on this journey by himself and he can get out of the *%$@ door by himself too.

Remember - Your H filed for D, he's trying to dismiss you. That's RUDE!

STAY STRONG.

[Maya44]

Sophie, please don't worry about what H is thinking and if what you do/don't do is rude or whatnot. I've done that for a LONG time and it doesn't matter. It's not worth it. What's worth it is YOU!

[Sophie]

Well today H sent an email asking for money. He said he can no longer pay bills 'a-b-c-d'. I only feel threatened.

I did not reply in writing but I called and said that with the divorce active, especially with the fact that he is asking for EVERYTHING....I cannot discuss anything with him...nor take on any other financial obligations. I have done all I can.

He didn't get it!!!'

He kept at me for money.

I don't feel threatened by a divorce anymore. I feel threatened financially!

He has had his share for 3 years...and now, because he quit one of his jobs...he doesn't have money.

H wouldn't hear of any other suggestion from me...nor really anything that would change how his life style has been since he left.

He just wanted me to give him money.

The discussion got a little heated, but I stood my ground. Whenever he asked anything about what I figured would be in a 'settlement', I refused to talk about it.

H felt we should be able to talk about it without lawyers. So, I said dismiss the case, so I can get my retainer back and we'll talk.

He is a lunatic....when he speaks to me, my instinct is to respect and believe in his opinions. I adored my father who was almost always right. It takes me a while to realize H does not know what's what.

H keeps coming to me for money....he says I never want to talk about it. I told him I have ON MY OWN over the last three years just taken on a huge chunk without being asked. I just did it. I can't do any more for him.

I didn't expect this after his 'family guy' weekend.

He says he's looking for a cheaper place...looking isn't a solution.

I REALLY do not feel RUDE anymore. You guys are RIGHT!! He is RUDE...and CRUEL.

[Maya44]

Sounds like you're feeling a bit empowered and that's going to be a good thing to keep the mindset in track.

[Sophie]

Maybe...but, I'm feeling scared and very freaked out that H is going to let everything so to trash. That there will be boards on the door and no electricity.

[Sophie]

I remembered something else...

H doesn't want me to EVER say anything to the kids about his decisions to:
1) have an affair
2) his decision to walk out on us
3) his decision to file for a D

because

if I did, I wouldn't be thinking of the best interest of the children!!

[job]

Sophie,
Protect yourself financially and your assets. Do not give him one penny. He's the one that put himself in this mess. If he continues to harp on money, advise him that he needs to be directly his requests to his attorney, not you.

Keep your responses to him short and sweet and do not take his bait.

He's having a bit of a reality check, but please do not let your guard down one minute.

[Sophie]

This is what I am trying VERY hard to do...

Protect yourself financially and your assets. Do not give him one penny. He's the one that put himself in this mess. If he continues to harp on money, advise him that he needs to be directly his requests to his attorney, not you.

Keep your responses to him short and sweet and do not take his bait.

He's having a bit of a reality check, but please do not let your guard down one minute.

I feel like he is harassing me...or even mentally abusing me over this money stuff.

I keep remembering what I've told...he can't keep coming to me as if I am 'mom' to ask for money.

[Sophie]

I think I need it explained to me yet, another time, how they can by Jeckel and Hyde.

How can H be so desperate for money to threaten me, then a couple hours later make a happy father son phone call????

H is trying to get s14 to spend time at his place this weekend...s14 does not want to and is not responding.

H is probably thinking I am behind it.

Also, a divorce man, new friend, offered to talk to me about 'D' stuff....but, I don't know if that was an excuse to just spend time with me.

He is the only divorced, single man I know...and he knows my kids a little, so I'd like to compare notes somewhat. But, I don't know him well enough to know if talking about divorce is an imposition or 'just too much'.

My friend offered, but has not followed through. He's busy, but...as with all men...I'll just keep on GAL and do my own thing.

Heck, this detachment and GAL has been good training:)

[Mach1]

Hey Sophie,

I haven't posted to you before, but where are you in VA ?