I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. I wish there was something to say to make it better.
When you reach the breaking point, do you intend to file for a divorce yourself?
I just have one thought for you. I think it's possible that your husband truly doesn't know what he wants, even after all this time. If he truly believes your marriage is dead, why is he still hanging around? I don't know what the divorce laws are like in your state, but if he definitely wanted one, I think he would be pursuing it now. But he's still around, at least to some degree. I know it's totally unacceptable to you in it's present form, but there may yet be a chance for you. I have no idea how to start bringing him back into your marriage. When only one person seems committed, it seems impossible, I know. But maybe something will come along. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it leaves you feeling good about yourself.
Do you have a good support network of family and friends you can talk with? I hope so. I think it helps to keep posting here and venting. I've gotten a lot of good advice here, advice that has yielded some results. I also keep a journal, which helps me feel better too.
Like I said, no real answers, just offering a little support and encouragement. Keep posting.
