Boy, I sound hard today....but, I'm just trying to help. What do you think, h4h? ARen't you glad I'm back?
I know I am!!! I've been trying to tell him this same thing for a couple of months now, only I don't say it as good as you do WDID!!
THIS, that you wrote, is spot-on, and should be plastered on the foreheads of LOTS of folks on these boards:
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The message she gets each and every time you have these nice conversations is that you are still friends and you are "ok" and even though she did what she did, you will still have that relationship with her that she needs. So, she gets her lover with someone else; and you, the person that knows her like no one else and will be there for her no matter what. AND, she knows that if anything changes on her end, you will be RIGHT THERE waiting for her. No consequences.
The problem is, MWD herself would probably agree with that approach, and I just don't think it's effective.
THIS, however, IS:
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Deal with W only when dealing about kids. Let wife see life without h4h and miss it. Pray for her. Get counsel from others and pray together for her. Focus on your kids and home life. Don't rescue wife anymore from her sadness, don't make her feel ok when she feels bad about her life now, etc. If she doesn't come back to the marriage, after doing this for a length of time (and don't say you have been doing this, because you haven't for more than a day), decide what you will do. Take control of your situation.
