You've just realized something very important. There is nothing you can say/do/control that will make a difference in your Hs life right now. The only thing you can do is pray for him, pray for the H you still love with all your heart...and then let go.
This was all so very hard for me to accept and to learn..it took me so long to truly understand this is the way it works..there's no way around it. I kept thinking if I re-worded my point of view to him, he'd finally 'see it'. Nope. It's something they have to discover on their own, if they ever do. And IF they do, it won't be because of anything we said or did. It will be because we stopped trying to jam down their throats what we believe. How would we feel if we felt one way, and someone else was continually trying to convince us we were wrong and they were right? We'd feel angry, frustrated and we'd quit listening to anything they were trying to tell us.
You can build yourself back up. It takes time, patience and healing...but you can do it. Be good to yourself...take care of yourself. Affirm your goodness to yourself daily. Don't look at the preceived negatives in your life...focus on your positives and the blessings in your life.
As I said before, I would imagine the great majority here have made the same mistake you and I have...and later learned it was something that we wished we could have taken back..handled differently right from the beginning.
This is why you hear so often that 'they' have to go through this crisis on their own, they have to figure this out on their own. There really is nothing the rest of us can do but love them and pray for them.
Honestly, even now..years later...I think back to when all of this started, and I remember how I talked and acted, how I tried to convince him, show him the error of his way and thinking....and I just cringe, and wish I could go back and handle it differently.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
